Her Value

It’s not a secret men can’t — and won’t — commit. Trust funds and Instagram have made them troubled, or rather I should say trouble. But as I sit here watching my pizza fizzle in the microwave, I’m wondering does a fear of commitment give a person the right to disappear or reappear whenever they like?

This topic has randomly popped up over the past couple of years. I have a mentor (Amy Goldenberg, Consumer Research Analyst, SurveyStud, Inc) who constantly tells me I should date older man and forever pushes the lyric of “It’s better to be an old man’s sweetheart, than a young man’s fool.” I have friends who will only date older men. There is plenty of evidence that supports dating someone who is older, but is it truly worth it?

A nod must be given to the knowledge that women mentally develop faster than our counterpart. In this scenario, a woman is looking to date a man around her age. Depending on her standards, most men end up coming up short, whether in maturity level, finances, emotional intelligence, etc. Older men have the appearance of experience, wisdom, and theoretically are more stable when it comes to relationships. However, Im sorry but mentality I can’t get over seeing saggy balls… gives me the creeps.

For men, dating and older woman is sometimes the ultimate goal. I feel as though men tend to date women who are younger, but when get upset that she’s more immature than he thought. The older woman has the appeal of being more grounded, willing to hold her man down and/or can provide for him in ways that he can’t provide for himself.

On the flip side, older people in relationships can be more controlling. They can demand more of you than you have to give and force you into situations you weren’t ready for.

I’ve dated men who were younger than me, and I would be lying to say that at the time, it didn’t bother me. When I was younger, I looked older, and now that I am getting older, apparently, I look younger. Placing an emphasis specifically on someone’s age does not always mean that he/she is the one for you. If you were born in the Millennium generation, look to your left and look to your right. We are beginning to understand that there is no age to maturity, or stability, or experience. We are the generation learning to express ourselves while at the same time learning that life can not be placed on conveyor belt and handled in an orderly manner.

It doesn’t bother me as much anymore if I date someone younger than me. I still place a cap at a certain age for my own purposes. But I implore you, my fellow brothers and sisters, to look for more in a person than what year they were born compared to yours. What matters is how you connect with the person and where you can see yourself going with that person. What matters is how that person makes you feel, or how much your face hurts because they can’t stop making you smile.

If everyone thought deeper about who they were with, why they were with them, and were more self assured, we all wouldn’t worry about the woes of dating someone older or younger than you.

Question: How do you feel about dating someone elder?

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SurveyStud: In the App Store

Keeping Her A Secret

It’s obvious that the dynamic of relationships has changed since social media and the Internet. Whether you are in a “situationship”, relationship, or married, the display of being with someone else takes effect on social media platforms. 

Think about it. People are hooking up from online encounters. People are getting married from online connections. Think about any of your previous relationships and what role social media played in it. An important problem that continues to build and tear down relationships with (or without) a social media presence is: The difference between secrecy and privacy.

There is a difference darlings.

– Being secretive means you are hiding something.

– Being private involves acknowledging, but not oversharing.

Seems pretty simple right? Wrong.

There are both men and women who feel as though a relationship should be on full display for others to see. The constant pictures of kissing, holding hands, the status tags, etc. You all know what I’m talking about; the Over-Sharers. Great! We see how in love you all are, and just because people aren’t as gung-ho about your posts as you are, does not mean they are hating. Sometimes, it may actually just be YOU.

I commonly tend to think that this is a direct line coming from insecurities. Don’t be mistaken, this could be any of us at any given time. Like any other human, sometimes we need constant validation about different things. It also depends on the person you are with. If there are behaviors which they/he tends to justify–no “F” that. If there are behaviors causing you to doubt them/him PAY ATTENTION! Truth is you are doubting him for a reason.

Example, whenever $10+ is charged on my debit card, I get an email notification–guess what, I validate every notification. Why because it’s important to me. So when it comes to relationships, if you get a mental “notification,” maybe you should validate what’s going on.

So for those who love a private life, all I’m saying don’t fool yourself. You know if someone is keeping you a secret, and you know if someone just enjoys their privacy.

Question: Has anyone ever tried to keep you a secret?

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SurveyStud: In the App Store

The “Print” 👀

Ladies. I know you see it. I KNOW you’ve noticed. You know what time is it.

Just like men have their “Sundress Season” excitement, we have our “Sweatpants Season.”

To me, this is not only the most wonderful time of the year (wink), but it is also common knowledge. ‘Tis the season right? Please don’t act like you don’t know what I’m talking about. I know people usually call this “Sweatpants Season”, but I think it’s important to point out what color is prevalent among these here photos we see! For years, men have anticipated the summertime, where a flowing sundress accentuates every part of a woman’s body. So why can’t we notice and appreciation when a man’s body is being accentuated?

I was told by a man that it was wrong for us women to even be looking at the print of a man in gray sweatpants. His argument is that women do not like to be objectified or glared at by the choice of clothing they choose to wear. While I don’t entirely disagree with what he’s saying, I do see his point. I’ve heard women complain about men staring at their bodies, and it’s usually because they have their own insecurities that they are working on with it. I know women who love wearing sundresses because they love the attention they receive. I think men are no different. Some men hate that they are judged by the print of clothing they choose to wear for comfort. Some men love that they have a good print in their sweatpants. They know it can attract a woman in a way that verbal sexual advances can’t.

I find it interesting that some men tend to be completely insecure about what women think of them in sweatpants. These same men either bash women if they don’t have the perfect figure, or they can’t understand why women have their own body insecurities. When I asked a male about this he explained it in a way that I guess I can kind of understand. Women can work on their bodies and change its shape overtime. The print is something that can’t be changed with exercise and a good diet. Of course there are cosmetic enhancements that can be made to any body, but for the most part, men don’t believe in getting it done, and if it has been done, they are not vocal about it.

It’s easy to say you don’t objectify one sex or the other, but I think it is something we all do. Let’s not take life so seriously! Enjoy the beauty of one another’s bodies. Compliment each other! Enjoy the season, whichever it may be!

Question: Ladies, how many thirst traps have you seen in sweatpants at the gym?

I, too, have been a victim of the salacious images of men in sweatpants.

Leave a comment below…

SurveyStud: In the ApAp Store

Sex & Lies

Sex can be one of the most intimate and bonding experiences two people can have … but it can also be a time fraught with uncertainty, irritation and … LIES! C’mon, we’ve all lied occasionally about, during or after sex. “Was it good for you?” can really only be followed by, “Of course it was, honey,” unless you want to break up. If it wasn’t, bring it up later (gently) in the therapist’s office. Here’s ways we lie about sex.

1. Being on birth control. Sadly, women do lie about birth control sometimes. One woman confesses to telling her husband she is NOT on birth control even though she is. They mutually decided to have a baby, but after they hit financial and relationship problems, she decided it wouldn’t be a good idea. But when she tried to bring up going back on bc again, she says he “knows he’ll be mad and upset and think we’re breaking up or something.”

2. Not being on birth control. Probably the most dangerous sex lie a woman can tell — secretly trying to get yourself impregnated is never a good idea. Whether it’s to hold a relationship together, to twist a proposal out of a guy, or to just have a baby cause you’re ready and he’s not — STEER CLEAR of this major lie!

3. Of course I’m clean. New couples should have STD talks with each other — but usually it takes the form of, “Have you ever been tested?” and then the other person says, “Of course I have. I’m totally clean.” In reality, you don’t know unless the person shows you test results! And believe me, people lie about it. Some even go so far as to lie when they know they do have an SDT. A model is suing her rich ex after discovering she had herpes, which she believes he gave her.

4. You’re the best lover I’ve ever had. Might be true. But if not, you’ll say it anyway.

5. You’re the first lover I’ve ever had. Not everyone lies about this, but some do for some strange reason.

6. Sorry, got my period. One of those sneaky little fallback lies women rely on when they’re not in the mood. Some guys don’t care and will grab you anyway, but enough do get skeeved that it can be reliably used as an avoidance tactic.

7. Nope, not on my period. For the lady who wants some nookie but is afraid her menses-sensitive guy won’t comply if he knows she’s flowin’, she can just do a clean up and act like she doesn’t have it. By the end of the period, should be good for 15 minutes at least. If she leaks, she can be all, “Oh my goodness, I didn’t realize!”

8. I never fantasize about anyone else. Right.

9. I never masturbate. Okaaaay.

10. I love giving blowjobs. Usually said in the courtship period.

11. Your penis is huuuuge!

12. It tastes great.

13. You smell great.

14. That feels great. Yeah, even when he’s pinching your nipples like a toddler death-gripping a favorite toy.

15. Number of sex partners. Guys inflate. Girls forget (For women some encounter don’t count 😊)

Question what sexual lies have you told?

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SurveyStud. In the App Store

Jealousy < Backfired

Guys allow me to start this off by saying, there are countless reasons as to why a woman would like to make a man jealous… Such as to get an ex back, get even and have revenge, or to get his attention.

Whatever the reason may be, making a guy jealous can be tricky, and may even backfire if you do it the wrong way. You need to be aware before you do it that making a guy jealous doesn’t always yield favorable results.

What can go wrong?

Before you even start to make a guy jealous, take caution and heed these warnings: Jealousy can make a guy obsessive, mean and violent: Making a guy jealous could potentially bring out the monster in him. If there’s any indication he can react violently, don’t take the chance or you might end up regretting it. Jealousy affects some guys in a very bad way. So be cautious and don’t make the guy too jealous.

You don’t get the guy just by making him jealous: Alot of guys don’t buy the jealousy technique and instead just give up on you. Guys often just think they’re better off without you.

If they give in to that type of emotional blackmail, it would hurt their ego so they give up as a means of escape from the helpless feeling. In some cases, guys even enjoy your act. Men who are self-assured, dominant, and who doesn’t have feelings for you find it interesting.

Be prepared for the payback: If he sees that you are just playing games, then you might just gain yourself an opponent. Some men react to jealousy by also making you jealous. It’s an eye for an eye. He’ll go out and flirt with other girls. He may even fight back to the point that he sleeps with another woman! So don’t expect him to come begging for you to come back. You may just get your own dose of medicine. And you’ll end up hurting all the more.

Only Make A Guy Jealous As A Last Resort

Use the jealousy approach as a last resort only because the stakes are high. It’s an easy weapon to use, but jealousy could also destroy you. If you have to resort to jealousy to get a man, then you will most likely fail.

Based on my experience (Yes I’ve played this game) if the guy has no feelings for you or has lost the love he once felt for you, making him jealous will not work.

Question: Have tou ever tried to make a guy jealous?

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SurveyStud: In the App Store