Eye Contact During Sex

Making eye contact can feel very vulnerable, regardless of if the recipient is a loved one or a complete stranger. Looking another person in the eye is intimidating enough, but if they’re looking right back at us, we can feel even more uncomfortable.

On a literal level, making eye contact means being seen by another person. So many of us have fears and insecurities that we would like to keep hidden from other people, and there’s something about eye contact that can feel like we’re totally exposed. Naked, even.

Speaking of naked, eye contact can be particularly vulnerable when it comes to sex. Sleeping with someone is intimate enough as it is, without the added anxiety of looking at each other while you’re doing it.

Most people have sex in the dark, so eye contact isn’t even possible. Even if there is enough light to see, many people will avoid eye contact.

Your faces may be within inches of each others, but odds are you’ll find ways to look at anything except your partners’ eyes. Others will close their eyes during sex. And eye contact during orgasm – forget it! That’s usually way too intense for most people.

While it may seem intimidating at first, getting more comfortable with greater eye contact can have a big effect on your sex life. Here are some of the potential benefits:

– Increases self esteem: Looking people in the eye is a wonderful way to increase your self-esteem and make you feel more confident. It brings you into a stronger and more authentic relationship with yourself. More confidence outside of the bedroom translates to more confidence inside the bedroom.

– Deepens your connection: Making eye contact with a romantic partner deepens your emotional connection. A number of scientific studies have shown that consistent eye contact is one of the best ways to bond with your partner.

– Builds trust: It doesn’t matter if your sexual partner is a casual friends-with-benefits or a long-term romantic partner – having more trust leads to better sex. When you believe that you’re with someone trustworthy, you open yourself up to a wider sexual repertoire and greater pleasure.

– It’s arousing!: Eye contact during sex can be extremely arousing. It’s an amazing experience to watch your partner experience pleasure, and to be witnessed in your own pleasure.

Bottomline… Eye contact is a pretty anxiety-inducing experience for many of us.

Question: Is eye contact during sex important to you?

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Preventive Sex

Listen, there’s no such thing as a good cockblock. Any time you’re about to get laid and someone gets in the way, it’s going to be hugely unpleasant.

But some cockblocks are more egregious than others. Here are a few of the worst ways that you can be prevented from having sex:

– The So-Close: You and your conquest are back in the hotel room, you’re raring to go, and all of a sudden, your friend stumbles in, sits down, and turns on the TV. Without realizing it, she has just shit all over a hook-up that was this close to happening. The mood is ruined, you don’t have anywhere else to go, and you will remain sexually frustrated for the entire rest of the week.

– The Investigative Reporter: This upsetting cockblock is defined purely by ill intention. In it, the ‘blocker begins peppering his friend’s would-be hook-up with questions meant to be discrediting, either because he’s bored, or because he’s skeptical of the situation, or because he doesn’t want his friend to succeed in life. “Do you have a boyfriend?” he might snidely ask. “A husband? Or wait – didn’t I see you dancing onstage at the Blue Iguana last night?”

– The “For Your Own Good”: The opposite of the investigative reporter cockblock, this well-meant intervention goes down when someone gallantly decides to step in and take over decision-making for a friend. Maybe they feel that their buddy shouldn’t be cheating, or that their roommate will wind up crying for days after having gone home with her ex, or that their free-spirited friend will be horrified to wake up next to the investment banker with whom she appears to be headed home.

But sadly, it’s not for us to intervene when our pals are making bad decisions (unless they’re too drunk to stand up or their safety is in question!). We are not children. Mistakes will be made. Sometimes you have to just sit by and let it happen.

– The Family Member Cockblock: Whether you’re home for the holidays and a parent walks in on you, or your grandmother decides to call you at 7:00 a.m. just as you’re about to have some delightful morning sex, the family member cockblock is particularly distressing because it’s the type of thing that can scar you for life. Once it goes down, you have a relative and sex commingled in your mind. This is a horrible thing to deal with moving forward.

– The Self-Block: Of all the cockblocks to endure, the self-block is by far the worst. As its title suggests, this is when you have no one to blame but yourself for not getting laid. Maybe you passed out, or you didn’t pick up on obvious hints, or you let fly with an offensive joke that turned everyone around you off. Either way, when you think back on it, you realize: You were your own worst cockblock. And that, friends, is something you have to live with for the remainder of your days.

Question: How do you feel about cockblocking?

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Venting…

I remember the first time I tried to describe the physical sensation of menstrual cramps to my dad. His face twisting into a horrified grimace.

Yes. Yes, it can be. And many of us deal with it every month. But unless you’re our SO or close friend, you’ll probably never know about it. Because we still manage to get sh*t done.

There are a lot of similar struggles that women experience all the time — some silly and small, some alarmingly big — that many men might not be aware of or understand. For example we’re always expected to look nice. And to look happy and have a pleasant demeanor. Seriously, sometimes we want to go outside with frizzy hair and no makeup and sweatpants and not talk to or smile at anyone. I also hate white I go to sleep on white sheets, with a white pillow, and wake up with sheets that look like a 1st grader just colored all over them… uggggghhhh.

OMG what about thinking about your safety ALL the time… Where you walk, how dark it is, where you park, who is in your general vicinity at all times. Parking at the mall? Don’t park near a van! Want to stay late studying? Better have someone walk you to your car. It’s exhausting honestly.

See guys dont have these type of thoughts and or problems.

Then you have the petty stuff i.e… painting your nails with the non-dominant hand–how about going-upstairs boobs. Sleeping face down boobs. Hello I’m going to hurt for no reason today boobs. Boob bra knot boobs. We’ve fallen out and going to do our own thing today boobs.

Don’t judge me, I’m venting…

If I happen to run a few errands or God forbid go to school or work without makeup on and I run into someone I know, I get ‘hey are you okay? You look sick.’ And then when I do wear makeup and I look all cute and presentable, I’ll hear, ‘yeah guys definitely like the natural look better.’

Then there’s the stress of an unexpected period, but then also the stress of an unexpected not-period.

Then theres shaving my kneecaps. Twenty-three years of practice and I’m still awful at it.

Finally because I don’t want to bore you with my problems, but ANYTHING and everything you do with the opposite sex can ([and] probably will at some point) be interpreted as being a tease or leading him on.

I could go on-and-on. Sorry, thanks for reading 🙂

Question: What’s something you want to vent about but for whatever reason have not let it out?

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Fixed My Nipples

Just like snowflakes, no two nipples are the same. (Not even the ones in a matching set.) Let’s just say that if variety is the spice of life, then nipples make livin’ real tasty. But did you know that there are actually, like, clinical categories of nips? The size and color of the areola, the amount of Montgomery glands and the shape and appearance of the teat itself all contribute to the aesthetic of the nipple.

Another thing I’ve learned/noticed is that normally my nipples react to temperature and also when I’m aroused, or maybe even if it’s just whenever anything touches them. But what causes nipples to get hard?

Fun fact: During puberty I thought my nipples were broken. For whatever reason as a child all of the adult nipples I had seen had been erect, so when mine weren’t erect all the time I assumed that they were defective and spent a lot of time in the locker room strategically changing to hide them. Nowadays, I not only realize that my nipples only being erect some of the time is completely normal, but also that nipples in whatever form are nothing to hide or be shy about.

Another thing I was weirded out when I realized the massive difference in the size of my areola when my nipples are erect versus when they’re not. It turns out that’s not unusual, but I still didn’t understand how it could be such a huge change. I also noticed that my nipples are wrinkly… WTF! Apparently: “Epidermis in the unerected nipple shows wrinkles that increases the surface area. This wrinkles enables the surface to expand and becomes flat during erection (Over the last couple of days I have learned so much about nipples: Thanks Google!)

Sometimes I realize my nipples are erect at a moment I wouldn’t expect, because they’re reacting to something the rest of my body isn’t aware of. But I’m not going to question it–instead of being embarrassed or hiding them behind thick clothes, I’m ready to let them out. They’re completely natural and it’s not my job to hide them, or is it.

Question: Whats the best way to handle erect nipples?

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Itchy Nipples…

Have you ever been walking along, having a totally normal day, and suddenly your nipples feel itchy, it’s like you’re wearing a bra made of a 1000 nipples.

If your nipples are anything like mine, they don’t usually cause much trouble — they go along to get along, trooping around quietly in the bra until you need to unleash them for practical and/or recreational purposes — which might be why, when your nipples feel strange, it can sometimes be kind of terrifying.

That terror can easily turn into full-tilt panic: My first thoughts are ALWAYS could my itchy, dry nipples be a sign of something serious? Are these random hairs going to be here for the rest of my life? Why hast thou betrayed me, beloved headlights!

The shock of having a nipple feel weird is usually much worse than whatever’s actually going on with your nipple — because, for the most part, nipple weirdness is not a sign of a serious health problem. Anything having to do with my breasts can send me into breast cancer panic mode.

The most common nipple-related breast cancer symptoms are tenderness, dimpling, a change in skin texture on the nipple, and a suddenly inverted nipple (inverted nipples are common and harmless — a sudden inversion is the only cause for alarm.)

So what I’ve learned is that anything else that you feel: random itch, tingle, or drip — is most likely nothing to worry about.

If your nipples look or feel different than they usually do for a prolonged period of time, or if you’re just freaked out, it’s always a good idea to see a doctor. 

First of all, itchy nipples are almost never a sign of a health problem. In rare cases, itchy nipples can be a symptom of inflammatory breast cancer or Paget disease of the breast, but itching is almost never the only symptom.

Run-of-the-mill itchy nipples have more benign causes: sometimes the itchiness is created by a skin condition, like eczema, but if you’re not experiencing a rash or other symptoms, odds are that your nipples are itchy because they’ve become irritated — by the laundry detergent or soap that you use, by friction in an ill-fitting bra, or by dry weather that’s making all of your skin dry and itchy.

Itchy nipples can also be a side effect of pregnancy-related breast growth — as a pregnant woman’s breasts expand, the stretching of the skin can irritate the nipple, leading to drying, cracking, and a persistent nipple itch.

Fortunately, itchy nipples are easy to treat, for pregnant and non-pregnant folks alike — just massage some non-irritating moisturizer into your nipple, especially right after you come out of the shower. The moisture should keep your nipples calm. But no matter how itchy your nips get, don’t put calamine lotion on them — that lotion can actually dry the skin of the nipple, and make the itching worse.

Question of the day: How do you handle the itchy nipple?

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The “Print” 👀

Ladies. I know you see it. I KNOW you’ve noticed. You know what time is it.

Just like men have their “Sundress Season” excitement, we have our “Sweatpants Season.”

To me, this is not only the most wonderful time of the year (wink), but it is also common knowledge. ‘Tis the season right? Please don’t act like you don’t know what I’m talking about. I know people usually call this “Sweatpants Season”, but I think it’s important to point out what color is prevalent among these here photos we see! For years, men have anticipated the summertime, where a flowing sundress accentuates every part of a woman’s body. So why can’t we notice and appreciation when a man’s body is being accentuated?

I was told by a man that it was wrong for us women to even be looking at the print of a man in gray sweatpants. His argument is that women do not like to be objectified or glared at by the choice of clothing they choose to wear. While I don’t entirely disagree with what he’s saying, I do see his point. I’ve heard women complain about men staring at their bodies, and it’s usually because they have their own insecurities that they are working on with it. I know women who love wearing sundresses because they love the attention they receive. I think men are no different. Some men hate that they are judged by the print of clothing they choose to wear for comfort. Some men love that they have a good print in their sweatpants. They know it can attract a woman in a way that verbal sexual advances can’t.

I find it interesting that some men tend to be completely insecure about what women think of them in sweatpants. These same men either bash women if they don’t have the perfect figure, or they can’t understand why women have their own body insecurities. When I asked a male about this he explained it in a way that I guess I can kind of understand. Women can work on their bodies and change its shape overtime. The print is something that can’t be changed with exercise and a good diet. Of course there are cosmetic enhancements that can be made to any body, but for the most part, men don’t believe in getting it done, and if it has been done, they are not vocal about it.

It’s easy to say you don’t objectify one sex or the other, but I think it is something we all do. Let’s not take life so seriously! Enjoy the beauty of one another’s bodies. Compliment each other! Enjoy the season, whichever it may be!

Question: Ladies, how many thirst traps have you seen in sweatpants at the gym?

I, too, have been a victim of the salacious images of men in sweatpants.

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Silent Sex

At least once in our lives, we all have (or at some point, we will have) experienced an awkward sexual encounter. Talking during sex is not something that’s unheard of, we all do it even within the thin walls of our downtown apartments and it’s normal–so I thought.

But did you know there’s an epidemic of silent sex going on? 

My understanding some millennials tend to avoid making much noise or talking during sex because they worry about saying something their partner doesn’t like. So they settle for quiet sex because it seems like the lesser of two evils.

Well I’m here to tell my young readers, talking or sex talk is a great skill to learn because it brings a liveliness into the bedroom in so many ways. It keeps you present in the moment. It develops your communication abilities. It taps into your primal nature. It connects you to your sense of pleasure, and can actually help you feel even more turned on. And there are plenty of ways to do it without feeling like a dumbass. Here are my thoughts.

In college I had a roommate that was very vocal in the bedroom — but hated herself for it. She said (yelled / screamed) the things she thought her boyfriend wanted to hear. I think this is where a lot of people go wrong with sex talk. You don’t need to play a role or pretend to be someone you’re not durung sex. Give yourself permission to just be you in the bedroom. For example, don’t use words that make your stomach turn, and don’t try to use filthy language if you’re a more modest person. Be authentic.

If you’re completely new to talking during sex, it’s going to feel uncomfortable at first. It’s OK to be a little awkward! Learning something new is always challenging. You don’t want to force yourself to talk never the less even talk dirty if you’re genuinely not interested in it, but I think it’s important to note that you’re never going to improve any aspect of your life unless you push yourself a bit. Embrace your growing pains.

You can actually start talking on your own–yes this may seem comical but hey, whatever it takes to get you there find it. The idea of practicing “sex talk” may sound stupid, but it’s actually an easy way to figure out what your comfort levels are, what words you like, and how sex talk affects you.

If you feel particularly bashful, start with moaning first. Let out a few sighs or groans, or breathe heavily. Try saying a few simple things like “that feels good” or “yes.” You can do this while touching your body or masturbating, to get a sense of what it’s like to be verbal when you’re feeling stimulated.

As you’re practicing, try to identify what feels most natural to you. What talk doesn’t immediately make you burst into laughter or cringe in embarrassment? Are you more comfortable saying “dick” or “penis”–wait don’t say “penis” that is awkward.

Does moaning feel better than talking? Do you like being more playful and teasing, or more serious and erotic? If you find things that feel uncomfortable, practice saying them a few times before declaring them not your style.

Crap this is my stop, I have to go…

Question: Do you feel comfortable talking during sex?

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Her Flexibility In Bed

So I’m laying here thinking having a super-flexible body comes with endless benefits. For starters, you can leave everyone in awe during yoga or pilates without breaking a sweat. But being able to wrap your feet behind your neck is also a handy trick in more, shall we say, X-rated realms. Flexibility opens up a whole wide world of sexual experimentation that less limber people can only dream of, or try at the risk of pulling various muscles. Here are positions to add to your roster when you’re insanely flexible.

– Modified lotus. The lotus sex position is all about closeness. The point is for you and your partner to become tangled up in each other while also benefitting from intense eye contact, which is why it’s a staple in movie sex scenes. Have your partner sit down with crossed legs, then sit on top them. While you’d usually wrap your arms around each other, the flexibility modification comes into play when you throw one or both of your legs over your partner’s shoulder. Hello, way deeper penetration! Nice of you to join the party.

– Modified standing doggy style. People with Gumby-like limbs can try out all sorts of standing sex that those with more resistant joints can’t quite manage. For this position, have your partner stand behind you, then bend forward in front of them, planting your hands firmly on the ground. You can keep your legs far apart or bring them closer together—it’s worth switching it up to see how that changes the sensation.

– Standing doggy style with a split. Start off in modified standing doggy style, then lift one of your legs in the air like the sex gymnast you are. Your partner can hold it while thrusting, or if your heights work for this, you can rest your foot on their shoulder. Even better if you don’t warn them you’re about to lift it, then look over your shoulder and see their eyes pop out in holy-hell-she’s-an-actual-sex-goddess amazement.

– Missionary with a split. Give this old favorite a very bendy twist. Lie on your back with your legs open and knees bent, and with a few pillows under your butt for support. Have your partner kneel in between your legs, and as you start having sex, lift one of them so it’s resting on their shoulder. As you continue, ask them to slowly lean forward until your leg is sandwiched in between your chests. The feeling of incredible sex combined with a good hamstring stretch is pretty much unparalleled.

– Missionary with both legs up. It’s the same as the previous position, except you’re throwing both legs over their shoulders before they lean down. Double the pleasure, double the fun, double the ahhh as you give your muscles a quality stretch.

– Reclining spider. Sit across from your partner and arrange your legs so that you both have one stretched and one bent. The magic happens when you each have a bent leg in the perfect place to create some very good friction. Thanks to your accommodating hip flexors and the ability to arch your back without throwing it out, you can move back and forth against your partner for however long you like.

– Reverse cowgirl with a side split. Take this sex-position staple up a notch. Have your partner lie down, then sit on top of them with one leg on either side of their body. Instead of just bouncing up and down at that stage, go a step further by leaning forward and extending your legs so you’re in a side split. You two can grind against each other, or your partner can take the reins and thrust up into you—perfect if you’re a fan of G-spot.

– Girl on top with a split. This is the upright version of missionary with a split, and depending on how you set yourselves up, it can do your body good in more ways than one. If you only extend your back leg, you can bend your front knee so you’re almost in a lunge position. All those up and down movements then do the double-duty of blowing your mind and boosting your workout.

Question: When is the last time you tried something new in bed?

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Men Don’t Notice or Care

Years back I woke up to find my wife, Chantel, in front of the mirror, examining her stretch marks. She asked me whether I thought she should try using cream to get rid of them. I told her the truth, if she wanted to improve her appearance, she should get more beauty sleep before our kids came in to rob us of whatever remains of our youth.

What I didn’t tell her—but should have—is this: I pretty much never notice those stretch marks.

Like most guys, I’m too busy paying attention to the stuff that makes the female body so awesome. We do, however, see your obsessing and attempting to compensate for what you perceive as flaws. Want to save yourself a whole bunch of angst and money?

WHAT MEN DON’T NOTICE

1. Cellulite, bellies, etc. When I go to the pool in the summertime, I get sad when I see beautiful women covering up their bodies because they’re self-conscious about a few jiggly parts here and there. Who cares? Everybody’s got a little jiggle; it’s a sign of good times. A woman who is confident enough to show you that she knows how to eat and laugh, who is willing to let a little muffin top rise over the edge of the pan, is a lot sexier than someone who hides herself in big, billowy clothing. As for getting physical, these bits don’t bother guys either: A little extra bounce and slap here and there is never a bad thing in bed.

2. Breasts that don’t bounce to attention. Men love boobs. Some guys are “boob men” and have specific tastes, but most of us are excited by life’s rich tapestry of breasts. After two kids and 10 years together, I think my wife’s pair of aces is just as incredible as when she first taught me how to play Texas hold ’em. (Worst poker metaphor ever? Yup.) Luckily, Chantel still loves her girls too, and proudly displays them despite all the changes they’ve undergone in the last decade. An appreciated boob is a sexy boob, whether it’s an A cup or a double D, whether there is a little sag or one’s bigger than the other. If you love your breasts and think they’re hot, so will your guy.

3. What you’re doing with your hair down there. Sometimes I trim my beard, sometimes I don’t. Feel free to take the same approach, because I’m not really paying attention. I’ve had this discussion with friends, and we all agree that the product is a lot more interesting than the packaging. So grow it out, trim it, make a funny design like a lighting bolt or an arrow, just have fun with it. One personal caveat: I’m not a fan of totally waxed pubic hair. I think it’s creepy and weird to fetishize the look of prepubescence. And regrowth is no fun for either party. Besides, people who take pubic hair for granted are destined to wear a merkin.

4. Split ends. What are these things? I see so many commercials about split ends, and the women in those commercials seem very concerned. I couldn’t identify a split end if it robbed me at gunpoint.

WHAT MEN DO NOTICE

5. When you fake the color of your skin. You know what freaks me out? Women spending money on products and treatments to make their skin darker. You know what’s equally crazy? Women spending money on products and treatments to make their skin lighter. The end results always seem to hover around “orange” or “E.T. when he’s sick.” Natural is hot: I love dark skin. I love olive and caramel skin, and Gothy pale white skin. Sick alien and Creamsicle orange I don’t dig so much, and I don’t know any guys who do.

6. Lips that have been injected with a foreign substance. So creepy. Take it from me: Collagen injections don’t make a woman look like Angelina Jolie; they make her look like she’s just had invasive dental surgery.

7. Frozen face. (Are you detecting a trend?) Why do men despise it when you inject your wrinkles away? Let me see, maybe it’s because it robs you of the ability to convey human emotions like surprise or worry. Husband: “Honey, you seem strangely unmoved by the fact that the dog just ate a carving knife.” Wife: “I’m furrowing my brow with concern… on the inside.”

8. Scars. And so we come back to the stretch marks. At one point Chantel’s were red and unmissable, along with her C-section scar, but they don’t, and never did, bother me. I don’t think other guys mind them either, as evidenced by the fact that many strippers out there have obvious C-section scars (don’t ask me how I know this). In Chantel’s case, they are physical evidence of our shared history and of the pain Chantel was willing to endure for our family. They show just how tough my wife is.

Just my thoughts… I normally don’t write for this blog but today I thought I would.

George T.

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When Ur Best/Good Bra Rips

First don’t judge. On an average month after bills, my bank account may have $600 in it. So with that said, every dime counts.

Anyway, don’t you hate spending $50+ for a bra, only to have the underwire poke through, stabbing you with every move you make? Ugh. In the past, I’ve thrown away these bras without a second thought, thinking that was the end of the bra. Wrong! I finally got smart and decided to fix my broken underwire bra myself this time!

Don’t throw away those $50, $80, $200 bras, just spend 5 minutes and $2 to fix them yourself! I spent about 5 minutes yesterday repairing a bra, and now it’s back in business- so much better than throwing it out!

I bought the upholstery thread at Joanns for around $2 (regular price is around $3- 40% off coupon), and you can find it with the regular thread. I used the upholstery thread because it’s much much thicker and stronger than regular thread, and I only want to have to repair this bra once 😉

You’ll also need a teeny tiny piece of duck tape.

Directions:

1. Pull out the underwire a little bit through the hole it is poking through. Use a teeny little piece of duck tape to cover up the sharp end of the metal underwire, so it will be more difficult for it to poke through again. Be sure you don’t use too much tape, or it won’t fit back through the hole! Push the underwire back down through the hole as far as you can.

2. Thread your needle with the upholstery thread, and start stitching under the hole, and all the way up and over the hole. I used more stitches than I probably needed to, but I’d rather do a really good job once than have to do this multiple times! I stitched under the wire, and then up and over. Tie a knot at the end when you are finished.

3. Apply some fabric glue or clear nail polish over the entire stitched surface. This will give the thin material some extra protection from the wire poking through again.

Not too bad, right? Definitely worth saving $50 – $200 for 5 minutes of easy work, don’t you think?! I fixed my bra yesterday and it’s working just like before- no sharp stabbing for me!

Now you know…

Question of the day: Have you ever had to throw away a “good / favorite” bra because it ripped?

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SurveyStud: In the App Store