The Art of The Blow Job

The first time I ever gave head, my then-boyfriend came in my mouth before I had time to say, “are you almost finished here.” I was 16, and after it happened, I looked back up at him for reassurance. I was a hot mess – semen dripping down the side of my face, hair disheveled, mascara running off of one eye. He took one look at me and grimaced.

Anyway, that was years ago, and I’m happy to report that my technique has improved, as have my bedroom manners. But oral sex comes naturally for exactly no one. It is a learned skill set–so let the class begin.

1. Hands are the key to using your mouth

So! You thought blow jobs were only done with your mouth. Well, you’ve been approaching it all wrong. Hands are an essential part of a good bee j–because hands can create the kind of friction that a mouth can’t.

A great blowjob is often a combination of using your hand to tug on the penis while adding sensation and suction with your mouth. You can also use a finger or two to put pressure on the perineum (the taint) for an external prostate massage. If you press on this, you can really enhance a man’s orgasm.

2. Good news! You don’t have to deep throat

Anyone who has ever had a cock in his or her mouth understands the pressure to deep throat. You just kind of feel like you have to. But good news! Deep throating is not necessary.

Phew.

However, should you want to take an entire penis all the way down your esophagus–well the best way to do so is to have the natural curve of the penis in question follow the natural curve of your throat.

Try it first with him on his back and you on your side. Keep your hand on the base of his cock to go at your own pace. Swallow when you feel like you have reached your limit which will help to go further and widen your throat.

3. Don’t neglect the balls

I feel like this is something that everyone knows, but kind of ignores. Balls just kind of hang there, right? You can always cup them if you want to, but who feels like doing that? Well, (and I paraphrase), stop being such a lazy asshole.

Most guys like their balls being cupped during a blowjob. Interesting fact.

4. A final tip: Vibration

My favorite unconventional blow job tip: Vibration. Meaning men typically think [vibration] is only for women, but you can use a vibrator behind the balls, pressed against the perineum, to really intensify his experience.

Question: Has your technique improved over the years?

Leave a comment below…

SurveyStud: In the App Store

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Curiosity & Real Estate

So my Tinder “friend” left his phone unlocked when he went to the shower, so I let my curiosity get the better of me. I couldn’t help but wonder, was I losing trust in him or was I really just curious?

I noticed his Tinder profile as I was swiping through, and I couldn’t help but wonder, should I be mad at him for not deleting his profile, or am I equally to blame, because I still have mine?

In my mind when it comes to relationships, it’s always prudent to aim for a man with class, and direction over a boy with swag. But this “friend” is different. Different in the since he is 27yrs old, with an incredible mind for business specifically real estate.

The guy owns 26 apartments, and 10 moving trucks, and did not come from money. So again I’m like curious as hell as to how he got his start. Well long story short, he caught me on his phone… and I flat out asked, “are you a drug dealer? How are you doing all of this at 27?” He shook his head, took his phone, dressed then left.

Fast forward: I did not hear from this guy for a month or so–then out of the blue I got an email from him:

When you think about making money, you have to think about helping and serving others. Why? Because that is where money comes from. Other people.

There are two main ways to serve other people. You either add value to their lives or you provide a service to them.

In the real estate context, this is the difference between the dealer (flipper) and the investor. The flipper is the add value person. The investor is the service provider.

Let’s start with the dealer. You go out to a neighborhood where you properly evaluate a home to be worth $120,000. That is the after repaired value or ARV. Because of reasons such as death, deferred maintenance, divorce, foreclosure or taxes, you are able to buy it for $75,000. In this case we’ll say $20K in deferred maintenance is the reason for the low price. You now purchase the property for $75,000, put $20,000 into rehab and have about $5000 in holding and closing costs. This puts you all in at $100,000. You put it on the market and sell the property in a couple of months for $120,000. This gives you a net profit of $20,000.

First let’s look at where the $20,000 came from. Did the real estate give you any money? No. It was the family that bought the property that gave you the money. You made money because you added value to other peoples lives.

Now let’s look at the investor. Take your average 40 unit apartment complex or 20 single family homes. You are going to net about $4000 per month if run effectively. Where does that money come from? Again, it comes from other people. It comes from providing a service to the families that you are providing a place to live.

It is important here to make a distinction between the dealer and the investor. If you will think about the $20,000 versus the $4000 it can sometimes look like the dealer is the better deal. However, let’s look closer.

If you’re a flipper and you buy, fix-up and sell a house profiting $20,000, how long does it take you to spend that money? For most people it’s not very long.

Remember that dealing is not investing–it is not investing. It is earned income so it is taxed differently.

First you have to pay both sides of the social security and Medicare. That is about 15% right there. Then you have to pay your income tax and that can be an additional 25 to 35%. So if you have to pay the lower tax, that means that 40% of that $20,000 is gone the minute you close the deal. You are left with $12,000.

Now let’s say that your bills, car note, house note, food, toothpaste…everything comes to $4000 a month. How long does it take to spend that $12,000? Just 3 months.

To get another $20,000 what do you have to do? You must go out and find another house and do it all over again. This is active or earned income and you are taxed as such.

Now let’s look at the investor with the 20 rent houses and $4000 a month profit. If their bills are $4000 a month and every month those 20 rent houses hand them $4000 a month, when do they have to go back to work? They don’t.

This is the difference between financial independence and self-employment. A dealer or flipper is just self-employed. He or she is constantly working to get that next house and get that next quick fix.

An investor is done. They are truly financially independent, hence this is how I got started. I bought a small apartment for $27k, moved in with my parents, rented the apartment out–then bought another within a year. I just kept buying apartments. Then realized people need away to move their stuff so I bought a junk truck for $4k blah blah blah.

I never saw that guy again. Matter-fact, he blocked me on all Social Media, and my number.

Question: You think I missed out on a good thing?

Leave a comment below…

SurveyStud: In the App Store

Saggy Breasts

As a 20 something I would have never thought saggy boobs represent some sort of canonistic experience for women of all ages regardless of social-economics, and or demographics. See unless you saw me naked, you would never guess I have saggy boobs. Yes I said it. I have saggy boobs.

It’s like one morning I woke up, rolled on my back and my boobs just didn’t follow with the rest of my body. I’m not kidding, when I lie down, 80 percent of my breasts fall into my armpit. It’s really cute.

At the ripe age of 23, they’re completely deflated. I thought boob sag would only come after pregnancy, but I was wrong. Gravity is a law. My body has abided.

Sometimes I wonder what I did to gravity to deserve this boob sag. Sometimes I’ll lift them up, look in the mirror and gawk at how much of my body they cover up. My upper ribs are constantly in the shadow of my under-boob.

When I hit puberty, my ta-tas were a size D. I even had stretch marks in high school because my chest was #blessed. But at around age 20, my overwhelming D-cups deflated to modest C-cups.

Another thing I noticed my boob sag is my biggest insecurity when it comes to hooking up. They look great when they’re tucked up into a bra, but once that comes off, they’re just going to flop out. It’s like opening a bag of chips only to find more air than chips.

Then there’s the gym… OMG!!! Has anyone else gone to the gym, attempted to do some crunches and all of the sudden notice half your boob is leaking out the side of your sports bra? Just me? OK.

If you have saggy boobs, sports bras work their magic by reinforcing everything, but your boobs just get flattened against your chest in the most unflattering way. They do this droopy, separation thing as you run on the treadmill. It’s just not cute.

No matter what bra cup size you have, you probably struggle to find bathing suits that fit well. I laugh when I look at string bikinis because they’re just something I’ll never be able to wear. Ever since I grew these damn things, bikini tops have been my worst enemy. Either I’m busting out of them, forming an attractive quad boob (when they spill out the top) or there’s no support whatsoever. That’s when I contemplate just avoiding beaches altogether.

My cleavage used to be difficult to cover up. Now, I can only create Victoria’s Secret-worthy cleavage when there’s a gravity-defying push-up bra involved.

So I wrote all of this to say, you are not the only woman to deal with boob sag.

Question: Have you ever experienced boob sag?

Leave a comment below…

SurveyStud: In the App Store

Accepting Yourself Being Happy

The most dominant feeling I carry around with me is one of extreme social awkwardness. Which is strange, because most people who know me, would described me as a confident woman.

I’m aware that outwardly I am very skilful at presenting a positive and socially pleasing demeanor, while on the inside feeling anxious and exhausted from keeping up the act. Not just at work or at parties, but in my closest relationships too—with my friends, my family and, most bizarrely, with my fiancée.

Perhaps the reason I am/was so well liked by so many is because I would agree with just about everything anyone said, so I was no bother to them. In disputes, I’d take both sides. I was always the first to offer a hand when someone needed help, but not because I felt charitable; I just wanted them to like me more.

If I got angry or frustrated, which I did often, you would never have known it. You would have seen someone who appeared unflappable, regardless of the circumstances. If I was hurt, let down or disappointed, my lightening reflex was to smile and say, “That’s okay!” Somewhere along the line I had developed the philosophy that my happiness was dependent on the approval of others.

This meant that my level of contentment was proportionate to how pleased I thought others were with me moment to moment. Of course, the problem was that I rarely thought they approved of me enough, so I was rarely happy.

Now that I think about it, some of my earliest memories involve me trying extremely hard to be a “good girl,” to do what I was told, and how lonely it felt to fall out of favor with my parents. I never thought about what I wanted from life, only what would make others want to have me around.

The ultimate price I paid was my self worth, which I now know is fundamental to a truly satisfying and fulfilling life. Not only is authenticity vital for your relationships with others, but more importantly for your relationship with yourself.

Isn’t it funny how the strategies we use to protect ourselves from our deepest fears are often the exact same strategies that manifest our fears into reality?

Anywho I want to share with you three of the most important principles that I’ve learned about authentic happiness. I hope they inspired you:

1. We live the feeling of our thinking.

As William Shakespeare famously wrote, “Nothing is either good or bad but thinking makes it so.” Being authentically happy starts with the realization that you are both the source and the cause of your own well-being.

We never get to experience the world as it really is; we only get to experience our thoughts about the world. It wasn’t actually other people’s disapproval that made me unhappy; it was my mistaken belief that happiness is something that comes from outside of me in the form of approval. Even when it looks as though your emotional state is being dictated by your circumstances, that is never true. Your thoughts are the root of your emotions. Just get curious and ask yourself, “If I weren’t thinking this way, how might I feel differently?”

2. Everything good is inside.

We each walk around with two versions of ourselves. One is our unconditioned self, which is innocent, flawless, and untouched by any trauma, criticism, or injustice we may have faced in life. The other is a learned self, more commonly known as the ego.

The primary role of the ego is to separate you from the truth of who you really are—a human being who is already complete, whole, and mentally and spiritually healthy. The ego believes that happiness is attained through material success, achievement, striving, earning, and deserving. I’ve often heard it described as “everything good outside.”

But your unconditioned self is the much bigger, wiser you. It already knows that you are what you seek; that real happiness is what naturally happens when you dare to show up unedited.

All the happiness you have been looking for outside of you can finally be yours when you stop chasing and start choosing.

3. Our relationship with ourselves determines our relationship with everything else.

One of the standout moments on my journey of self-discovery was hearing Dr. Robert Holden say, “No amount of self-improvement can make up for any lack of self-acceptance.”

Think about it…

SurveyStud: In the App Store

lost orgasm

I think I’ve lost my orgasm.  I really do think I lost my orgasm.

How is that possible? That’s what I want to know. Lately, it takes my body much more time and effort (on the man’s part) to take me to a higher place. I want to go to a higher place, dammit! I am 23 – the age of notorious and desirable sex. I am turned on easily. But a climax? Not so much.

I know what you’re thinking. It’s the man whom I am bedding. Not at all. He’s good. The sex and chemistry is awesome. There’s passion and snap, crackle and pop. We have that fabulous zaa zaa zoo which means my vagina is not settling. It’s me, I tell ya. I think I lost my orgasm.

I did some research to see if this is possible, and what to do when you can’t reach The Big O. According to my friend (Boss) Amy Goldenberg, Consumer Research Analyst, SurveyStud, Inc, about 15% of women (18 – 44) have never experienced an orgasm. I can say that I have; it’s just missing in action! Because having an orgasm when you’re young is suppose to be easy.

Research states that after the age of 40 women experience more vaginal dryness and a drop in hormone levels–but not at 23 🤔. And that’s a problem. Having an orgasm is a “complex dance of physical stimulation and reaction,” according to Amy. Our neither region responds to touch, sending signals to our brain which then lubricates the pepa and pumps blood to the area. Heavy breathing commences and you scream for God Almighty while you climax – if you’re lucky. If you’re in my position, you dream of days when you did orgasm.

Note: It’s been 7 weeks!

And that’s another factor for losing the Big Bang. My understanding the more sex I have the more likelihood of an orgasm because I’m increasing lubrication. 

So basically what her research is saying to me, If you don’t use your va-j-j, you may just lose your orgasm.

Question: Have you ever lost your orgasm?

Leave a comment below…

SurveyStud: In the App Store

Drinking Alchol

How much is too much, you need realistic ways to keep to that number. “Pacing is really important to stay within your limit,” says Amy Goldenberg, Consumer Research Analyst, SurveyStud, Inc. Because if you swallow too much too fast, your judgment will be impaired to the point where you’ll probably say, ‘To hell with it,’ and just keep drinking.” If you’re the type who finds that those first few go down real easy, then there are two tricks that should help immensely.

The first is simply starting later. I always kick off a party night with two rounds of Diet Coke, then I order my first cocktail.The caffeine wakes me up and helps me to stay out until 2 a.m. without ending up or feeling wasted. Some people may think they need that first dose of alcohol to help ease into an awkward social situation, but they don’t. “Within 40 minutes of feeling anxious, your parasympathetic nervous system kicks in on its own and you start to feel better,” Amy says.

A second strategy is to alternate drinks with nice, tall glasses of ice water. I call it a pace car. You don’t think you want the water, but then you realize how thirsty you are and happily suck it down. Sometimes all you really need to feel like you’re partying is to be out with people you like and sipping something. Once the water glass is in your hand, you probably won’t care that it’s nonalcoholic. Another tip from Amy is not to completely drain your drink if you don’t plan to have another right away. “When your glass still has something in it, people aren’t constantly offering to get you a refill,” she says

You can also stick to beverages that pack the lowest mind-debilitating powers. Light beers have the least booze of all, at an average of 4.2 percent alcohol per bottle. Of all hard liquors, vodka contains the least alcohol at 40 percent. And on average, white wines (10 to 12.5 percent) have less than reds (13 percent). The differences may be small, but your liver will thank you.

All of the above may seem easy enough, but they’re things few people ever take the time to do. “Too often people without a drinking problem forget that alcohol is a drug that can be harmful, so they don’t give it any thought,” says Amy. If you need further motivation to examine your drinking style, just think of the worst thing that’s ever happened to you while drunk, and ask yourself whether you’d be willing to have it occur again and again for the rest of your life.

So lets look at warning signs:

If you answer yes to TWO or more of the following questions, you could have a drinking problem.

1. Do you black out when you drink?
2. Do you often have more than six drinks on one occasion?
3. Do you have trouble stopping drinking once you’ve started?
4. Have you missed work because you were drinking?
5. Do you often wake up feeling guilty after drinking?
6. Do you get upset when people tell you, you drink to much?

SurveyStud: In the App Store

“Come on, just the tip!”

Men are interesting creatures. They can be so adorable and sweet, you don’t even know what to do with them.

They can be thoughtful and caring in ways that make you fall so hard, you’re not sure which way is up. Quite simply, it’s in the female nature to love men.

Men and women are clearly very different, however; ladies often want things from men they aren’t willing to give in return. This is frustrating, since we’re the ones having sex with them, right? Like the saying goes, “A good man is hard to find.” Preach.

So many guys do things women not only hate but also don’t understand. Between dad jeans and weirdly misogynistic attitudes, there are certain things that make us girls want to run away and never come back.

– “Just the tip”

We’ve all been there: You’re getting all hot and heavy with a cute guy, but you’re not ready to “go all the way.” So, he pleads with you, “Come on, just the tip!”

Excuse me, sir? Just the tip? No! If your business makes contact with my business, — if there is penetration at all — that is sex. And, please stop making us feel like uptight assh*les from not allowing this to happen.

– Texting to say “What’s up?” and then not responding for three hours

Why did you start a conversation with me if you don’t plan to text me back? If you don’t have time to talk, don’t bother texting me. If you do this, I’ll assume you’re playing some kind of game because overthinking is what women do.

Just be respectful and mindful that we deserve responses, especially if you’re the one who initiated the correspondence in the first place.

– Not changing their sheets regularly

What is it with guys not changing their sheets regularly and also thinking it’s okay to re-wear socks? (See also: overdoing it with the cologne.) You smell like a Russian bathhouse, dude. Take a shower.

– Touching our phones

This one is easy: DO NOT TOUCH MY PHONE!

– Trying creative sex too early in the game

We all have our fetishes. But, nothing makes us go ice cold faster than you asking to do something out of the ordinary before everyone’s comfortable. Save your penchant for leather for another time.

– Tipping poorly

Ladies appreciate being wined and dined. Going out on dates makes us feel special, and it’s sweet when you ask us to dinner and make the effort to wear a button-up instead of your Bears jersey.

That being said, there is nothing less attractive than a bad tipper. It makes us uncomfortable, and you better believe it’s going to piss off our server. Frankly, it makes you look cheap.

If you don’t have the money to leave a decent tip, you clearly don’t have the money to be eating at a restaurant. If you don’t have the means to pay the tip, plan a romantic home-cooked meal.

– Asking to have a threesome with our hot friend, whom we would rather die than see naked

It just isn’t going to happen. Life is not a porno. Just because I watched porn with you that one time doesn’t mean we’re recruiting one of my girlfriends to join us for a romp. Mmk?

– Some bizarre aversion to belts

What is it with dudes not wanting anything to do with belts? Guys seem to think it’s attractive to let your (dad) jeans hang down your butt, where you constantly have to pull them up. That is not cute. Just get yourself a nice belt and call it day.

Question: What are something that guys do that drive you insane?

Leave a comment below…

SurveyStud: In the App Store

MARRIED Men In The Office

I want to address this to all woman regardless of profession, and the MARRIED men that dont get it…

Outside interest will weaken your marriage. You may justify what you’re doing by telling yourself that it has a positive effect on your home life because it boosts your mood. But what you refer to as a mood boost is actually an ego trip. Imagine that your family is allotted just enough food to feed everyone, but before you divide up your family’s allotment, you skim off a significant portion of some of the best food and squirrel it away for yourself. You justify this by telling yourself that you need this extra food to keep yourself feeling good, which benefits your whole family. Then, when your family starts to show signs of malnutrition, you blame your wife.

What you’re doing with your flirt buddy is no different. In a marriage, you’re supposed to share your resources with your family. But you’re secretly diverting away the best of what you have to offer and lavishing it on yourself. Why? Because you think you deserve more than everyone else. Face it: Your ego is the problem.

Your wife is at a competitive disadvantage. Comparing your wife to your flirt buddy isn’t fair. Out of the three of you, your wife is the only one who does not realize there’s a competition going on. Remember when the two of you mutually decided to stop shopping around and commit to each other?
Your wife took you at your word. But now you’re secretly playing by a different set of rules. You’re out there sizing up melons and squeezing the Charmin. She’s not comparing you to other men who are sending her flirty signals; she’s focused on you and the kids. If you’re really interested in having a marriage that is satisfying, you have to play by the same rules. Otherwise, your relationship is fundamentally unfair.

Your wife looks way better (and you look way worse) than you realize. You and your flirt buddy don’t see each other nearly as often as you and your wife do—and when you and your flirt buddy see each other, it’s under much more favorable conditions. It’s easy to be alluring for little snippets of time. You may not realize it, but your wife looks every bit as enticing to other people who only see her in limited situations like the ones in which you see your flirt buddy.
When you live with someone you have to give each other permission to be real people—and real people have morning breath, get food stuck in their teeth, and occasionally come down with the stomach flu. Your spouse doesn’t judge you for wearing those dingy boxers to bed every night; but I’ll bet if your flirt buddy saw you in those you’d get a much frostier reception.

Your actions will lead to a physical affair. If you are rationalizing an outside intrigue, your ego has already caused you to cross a line. Once that line has been crossed, it’s that much easier to rationalize your actions as they escalate into a physical relationship. And even without physical intimacy, emotional intimacy can be every bit as damaging to your marriage. You might not end up having a full-blown affair with your current flirt buddy, but your behavior has set you on a course that is destined to result in an affair sooner or later. And when married people have affairs, things don’t just get messy, they get disastrous.

So, if you currently have a flirt buddy, what should you do? I’m glad you asked. The answer is really very simple. You need to decide if you (a) want to be married, or (b) want to be divorced. In case that’s not clear enough, let me dumb it down a little further: you need to either (a) break it off with your flirt buddy, or (b) get a divorce.

Obviously, option (a) is the simplest way to go. All it requires is that you make the choice not to take your energy and put it into outside intrigues. And this really is a choice. Just as your wife chooses not to be open to others’ advances when she comes across them in her daily life, so can you.

Then, take all that chemistry that you’ve been channeling to your flirt buddy and reroute it back to its rightful owner: your wife. Buy into your relationship enough to develop inside jokes with her. Be into her to the point that you send her flirty texts when you’re apart. Care enough about her to pick up a pack of her favorite gum on your way home from work. Value spending time with her enough to justify having lunch with her during the week rather than just seeing her when you both get home at the end of a long day. And when you have the opportunity to do any of these things with a potential new flirt buddy, don’t.

If you are convinced that your wife is part of the problem (or even the entire problem) and it’s not simply a matter of choosing to feed your marriage rather than feeding an outside intrigue, then in addition to pulling the plug on your outside interest, you should power up some honest and constructive communication with your wife about what’s wrong with your relationship. If your efforts to improve your marriage fail, that doesn’t justify picking up where your left off with your flirt buddy; it means you either keep trying until you either succeed or conclude that your marriage is not fixable, at which point you should proceed with getting a divorce. But if option (a) doesn’t sound right for you, then you’re left with option (b) getting a divorce.

You may think this sounds premature, but trust me, it will save everyone a lot of trauma in the long run. Once your outside intrigue leads to full-blown affair, it will only be a matter of time before your little chemistry experiment blows up. The thing about explosions is that they don’t just blow up on the people who caused them — they harm innocent bystanders, too. If you think that the only things at stake are your marriage, your reputation, and the potential for a little personal humiliation, and the only person you might hurt is your wife, your ego is making a fool of you yet again. Once you get exposed as a cheater, lots of people will get hurt — like your kids, other people’s kids, coworkers, relatives, neighbors, and friends. The collateral damage is far worse that you can possibly imagine.

Maybe you’re thinking you’ll take a wait and see approach — rather than getting a divorce right away, you’ll just stay married and continue with your extra curricular dalliances for now. Maybe things won’t blow up on you; and you’d hate to put your kids through the trauma of a divorce if you can avoid it.

You’re right about divorce being traumatic for kids. But you know what’s more traumatic for kids than their parents getting a divorce? Dealing with their parents’ divorce and having to come to terms with the fact that Daddy cheated on Mommy because he was too selfish to keep from sleeping with someone else, but he was too cowardly to get a divorce first.

Don’t be a selfish coward. Your kids and family deserve better than that. You are better than that. If you want to act like you’re single, don’t be married. If you’re married, don’t act like you’re single. Like I said, it really is that simple.

Queation: Can you spot the office flirt?

Leave a comment below…

SurveyStud: In the App Store

Women Kissing Women

Have you ever hooked up with a girl at a party? According to a recent study, a full one-third of straight college women (that’s right, we’re not focused on straight men or lesbians here) answer “yes” to this question. If your answer is “no,” you might be wondering whether or not you’re missing out.

I spoke with the consumer research department at SurveyStud, inc which sought to provide the first empirical evidence of the prevalence of and reasons for heterosexual women kissing each other at parties (despite their behavior, no one considers these women lesbians). They found that 69% of college women and men have “been at a party at college and seen 2 girls kissing or making out” and a full 33% of college women reported that they had “kissed or made out with someone of the same-sex at a college party.” Thus, a majority of college students report seeing this behavior and a significant minority of women report having engaged in this behavior themselves.

SurveyStud also interviewed straight women who reported publically making out with other women. The key findings include: All of the incidences occurred when the women were drinking alcohol as well as prompted by others (e.g., boyfriends or “dare” games).

SurveyStud also described firsthand accounts of women’s motivations behind this Girls-Gone-Wild behavior. At the top of the list, 56% of women reported a desire for male attention, including “turning on” a boyfriend or communicating sexual availability to eligible bachelors. Forty-three percent reported wanting to contribute to a fun party atmosphere, while 42% reported hooking up with another girl because they were drunk. Female bonding (26%), sexual experimentation (23%), shock value (22%), and obtaining resources like money or alcohol (16%) rounded out the list.

This research contributes to a growing area of study in psychology with investigators examining when and why women engage in a behavior coined self-sexualization. Self-sexualization occurs when women actively present themselves in a sexualized manner or as a sex object to others (Allen Gervais, 2012), including dressing sexy, using catwalks at dance clubs, taking poll dancing or strip teasing classes, or kissing other girls (Nowatzki Morry, 2009.)

One of the primary questions in this area of research is whether such self-sexualizing acts are empowering or oppressive. Is this something you want to do or not? The answer to this seductively simple question is, well, complicated. Some women report that they enjoy being sexualized by men (Liss, Erchull, Ramsey, 2011) and women may feel like they can “fit in” and “stand out” when they self-sexualize (Allen Gervais, 2012.) SurveyStud offer some further insight in this regard, reasoning that hooking up with other girls doesn’t represent true empowerment if it occurs due to pressure from other people. While many women noted that they felt powerful from arousing sexual desire in men and engaging in sexual experimentation, only 16% of the women reported this in the absence of explicit pressure from others. Instead, most women (64%) reported that they felt sexually objectified or degraded during these experiences.

Although this might appear to represent the sexual liberation that women have worked so hard toward, is this the type of gender equality we’re really looking for (after all, when was the last time you saw two straight men locking lips for the enjoyment of women)? Sure, women can now sometimes openly display their sexuality (if they are young, attractive, heterosexual), but if it’s still directed toward garnering men’s attention, it sounds a bit more like oppression disguised as empowerment.

So ladies, the next time you’re at a party considering hooking up with your best friend or that hot chick from across the room think twice about who you’re really doing it for.

Question: Have you ever hooked up w/another women to turn a man on?

Leave a comment below…

SurveuStud: In the App Store

Every Woman Should Know

– Grief is a healthy stage that follows heartbreak; however, one is only allowed a certain number of tears per man before it’s time to move on.

– Men are like drugs; they get you high and then drag you down. You become addicted to the anguish of wanting that unattainable first high that you will never reach. Regardless, you keep chasing it with the conviction that maybe, just maybe, it won’t bring you down even further.

– Sometimes we get stuck on the memories of old relationships because they remind us of who we used to be during that period of time.

– Failing to leave the past in the past does not necessarily mean that we want our old flames back; it has to do with finding ourselves and figuring out if we are happy with who we are or if we have changed for the worse.

– The past is an anchor holding you down; you need to let go of who you were in order to become who you will be.

– Sex with an ex is never a good idea. If you enjoy it, then that simply indicates you haven’t gotten any since the breakup. If it makes you feel horrible, well then, it’s just sex with an ex.

– Love and heartbreak both change us in the same way. It’s easy to forget this because while love is something we wait for and yearn for, heartbreak is something we do not like to predict, for we know how wretched it is bound to make us feel, even if it is for
the better.

– Men are like designer dresses on sale at Barneys; they aren’t your style, but you try them on anyway.

– Never lose touch with who you are because of fear. You’ve made it this far, so don’t be afraid to do you and go a little further.

– Falling in love is beautiful; however, never forget to fall in love with yourself first and realize that you are just as beautiful on your own as you are with the man you love.

Question: Have you thoughts about these things in-depth?

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