Eye Contact During Sex

Making eye contact can feel very vulnerable, regardless of if the recipient is a loved one or a complete stranger. Looking another person in the eye is intimidating enough, but if they’re looking right back at us, we can feel even more uncomfortable.

On a literal level, making eye contact means being seen by another person. So many of us have fears and insecurities that we would like to keep hidden from other people, and there’s something about eye contact that can feel like we’re totally exposed. Naked, even.

Speaking of naked, eye contact can be particularly vulnerable when it comes to sex. Sleeping with someone is intimate enough as it is, without the added anxiety of looking at each other while you’re doing it.

Most people have sex in the dark, so eye contact isn’t even possible. Even if there is enough light to see, many people will avoid eye contact.

Your faces may be within inches of each others, but odds are you’ll find ways to look at anything except your partners’ eyes. Others will close their eyes during sex. And eye contact during orgasm – forget it! That’s usually way too intense for most people.

While it may seem intimidating at first, getting more comfortable with greater eye contact can have a big effect on your sex life. Here are some of the potential benefits:

– Increases self esteem: Looking people in the eye is a wonderful way to increase your self-esteem and make you feel more confident. It brings you into a stronger and more authentic relationship with yourself. More confidence outside of the bedroom translates to more confidence inside the bedroom.

– Deepens your connection: Making eye contact with a romantic partner deepens your emotional connection. A number of scientific studies have shown that consistent eye contact is one of the best ways to bond with your partner.

– Builds trust: It doesn’t matter if your sexual partner is a casual friends-with-benefits or a long-term romantic partner – having more trust leads to better sex. When you believe that you’re with someone trustworthy, you open yourself up to a wider sexual repertoire and greater pleasure.

– It’s arousing!: Eye contact during sex can be extremely arousing. It’s an amazing experience to watch your partner experience pleasure, and to be witnessed in your own pleasure.

Bottomline… Eye contact is a pretty anxiety-inducing experience for many of us.

Question: Is eye contact during sex important to you?

Leave a comment below…

Advertisements

Pressure and Expectations 

As a woman I find or feel I have a lot of pressure and expectations put on me without a vote in the process.

It’s like I’m expected to get married, I’m expected to give head, I’m expected to have kids, expected to do so so many things, I’m not sure I want to do. When do I get a say in what I want to do, instead of having the pressure(s) of expectations thrust upon me.

I’m 23 soon to be 24, and you know sometimes I don’t feel like giving head, and marriage… OMG, really, I can’t freak’n pop popcorn without burning it–never less being a wife.

I just want to do what I want to do. I want to walk around in sweats with no bra and/or makeup, and watch Orange is the New Black or whatever, and not feel pressured to do anything. I want to flat out say NO, without feeling inconsiderate or sitting for hours wondering if my text response was rude. I just want to be me.

As a child women are drunkened with the “this is how you should behave,” attributes–however, I feel somewhere along the generations, someone forgot to tell/teach me/women its ok to be who you are. Its ok.

Now I’m not saying I dont want the family thing, because I do–not now, not just yet. I want to live with out feeling I got to do X,Y, and Z. I want to say I have to pee without feeling trashy. Oh another thing I want to do… I want to tell or say excuse me (within 2 seconds) to the person standing in the middle of the isle at the grocery store.

OMG OMG this may seem strange but guys do it all the time. But me, no I freak’n stand there like forever without saying anything, because I don’t want to seem rude.

But guys like my dad or brothers, man they will say excuse me, keep it moving and its done.

Question: Do you feel woman have unwanted Pressure and Expectations?

Leave a comment below…

SurveyStud: In the App Store

Itchy Nipples…

Have you ever been walking along, having a totally normal day, and suddenly your nipples feel itchy, it’s like you’re wearing a bra made of a 1000 nipples.

If your nipples are anything like mine, they don’t usually cause much trouble — they go along to get along, trooping around quietly in the bra until you need to unleash them for practical and/or recreational purposes — which might be why, when your nipples feel strange, it can sometimes be kind of terrifying.

That terror can easily turn into full-tilt panic: My first thoughts are ALWAYS could my itchy, dry nipples be a sign of something serious? Are these random hairs going to be here for the rest of my life? Why hast thou betrayed me, beloved headlights!

The shock of having a nipple feel weird is usually much worse than whatever’s actually going on with your nipple — because, for the most part, nipple weirdness is not a sign of a serious health problem. Anything having to do with my breasts can send me into breast cancer panic mode.

The most common nipple-related breast cancer symptoms are tenderness, dimpling, a change in skin texture on the nipple, and a suddenly inverted nipple (inverted nipples are common and harmless — a sudden inversion is the only cause for alarm.)

So what I’ve learned is that anything else that you feel: random itch, tingle, or drip — is most likely nothing to worry about.

If your nipples look or feel different than they usually do for a prolonged period of time, or if you’re just freaked out, it’s always a good idea to see a doctor. 

First of all, itchy nipples are almost never a sign of a health problem. In rare cases, itchy nipples can be a symptom of inflammatory breast cancer or Paget disease of the breast, but itching is almost never the only symptom.

Run-of-the-mill itchy nipples have more benign causes: sometimes the itchiness is created by a skin condition, like eczema, but if you’re not experiencing a rash or other symptoms, odds are that your nipples are itchy because they’ve become irritated — by the laundry detergent or soap that you use, by friction in an ill-fitting bra, or by dry weather that’s making all of your skin dry and itchy.

Itchy nipples can also be a side effect of pregnancy-related breast growth — as a pregnant woman’s breasts expand, the stretching of the skin can irritate the nipple, leading to drying, cracking, and a persistent nipple itch.

Fortunately, itchy nipples are easy to treat, for pregnant and non-pregnant folks alike — just massage some non-irritating moisturizer into your nipple, especially right after you come out of the shower. The moisture should keep your nipples calm. But no matter how itchy your nips get, don’t put calamine lotion on them — that lotion can actually dry the skin of the nipple, and make the itching worse.

Question of the day: How do you handle the itchy nipple?

Leave a comment below…

SurveyStud: In the App Store

The Ex

I like designer bags but I don’t necessarily like baggage. Not the “ex” kind of baggage. At my age, it’s more likely than not that anyone I would date/end up with has baggage. It’s a term I don’t like because when you find the right guy, his baggage doesn’t seem so much like “baggage” as it does a “pretty package.”

For example, before I met the man I’m now dating, I made it perfectly clear to any man I went out with that I come as a package. If you date me, you’re also, for lack of better description, dating my kid. Meaning, you have to get along with her, she has to like you, and you almost certainly will be my second priority.

When you have a kid, it’s easier to date someone else who has a kid or even children. They usually understand if you have to bail at the last minute because your child is sick, they like children (because they already have them), and they understand why a child can turn from an angel into a sobbing heap on the floor within 10 seconds.

But what I’ve never quite understood is the baggage that is known as “the ex.” Rather, I understand it; I just don’t like to deal with it.

One of my exes had an ex-wife who acted as if she were still his wife. They had no children and it was hard for me to fathom why this woman would still want to go out of her way to decorate his place, ask him to drive her to the airport, and buy him flowers. There is nothing worse than an ex who doesn’t realize she is an ex (at least for the person dating the man/woman.)

The man I’m dating now has gorgeous, kind and sweet children. I thought God was looking down on me, finally, when I fell in love. Plus, his ex lives a 40-minute drive away, is not in my social circle, and we didn’t have any friends in common.

But of course, I was a little naïve. I recently found out that this ex is following my every move on Facebook — which is fine, but, it makes me uncomfortable, especially when exes of the man I am dating, or the men I have dated, check me out. My boyfriend and I are serious, to the point where we both would like to be included in every aspect of each other’s lives. This includes school plays (which he attended with me when my daughter was recently in one) to birthday parties. One of his children has an upcoming birthday party. As we slowly blend our families together, I don’t want there to be any drama.

My ex’s ex-wife (the one with no children) actually wanted to meet and hang out with me. My response was, “Why?” But if I do plan on being a stepmom with my new man, I do understand why I may have to meet my boyfriend’s ex-wife. Do I want to do this? No. Do I think if we can get along at least politely it will be best for the children? Absolutely. Does she have to like me? No.

But if my ex was/is dating another woman who could possibly be my daughter’s stepmother, I would for sure want to meet her, at least once, to make sure that my daughter is safe. My daughter, her safety and her happiness, will always be my first priority, just as I’m sure that’s my boyfriend’s ex-wife priority.

Question: If you have any ex-partner/parent advice… I’d really like to hear your thoughts.

Leave a comment below…

SurveyStud: In the App Store

Is Barack Obama the Face of America

When you look in the mirror do you see an image staring back at you that reflects your ideal image of beauty? Take a moment to describe the ideal woman’s physical features. What color skin tone does she have? How much does she weigh? What do her eyes look like? What does she wear when she goes out on the town? How is her hair styled?

Now take another moment to figure out the answer to this question: Where did your idea of beauty come from?

Because think about it, even though Donald Trump is now President of The United States, the world still sees Barrack Obama as President–so if the woman you described as ideal does not look like the woman you see in the mirror, chances are along your life journey you were bamboozled by someone’s impression of what a woman or beauty should look like.

Now don’t be upset. In our quest to decipher our purpose and mission in life we often adopt the beliefs and expectations of those around us in order to gauge whether we are living life correctly.

Suppose you were taught at an early age that you were expected to finish high school, go to college, get married, have children and retire by age 55. Those seem like reasonable life expectations don’t they? Well, how do you know that those expectations were the right path for YOU?

Now go back to the woman you described as your ideal image of beauty. Chances are you’ve met her before and it caused you great distress. Where did you meet her? Was she the woman who stole your first boyfriend? Was she the little sister who came along and stole all of the attention away from you when you were a child? Was she the most popular girl in high school? Was she the woman all the boys drooled over as she crooned pop music on television? Was she the girl who won all the awards at school without ever trying?

The point I am making is simple. If the ideal woman you imagined does not look like you, somewhere along the line you compared yourself to another woman and felt that you fell short. Somewhere along your life journey, you decided that there was another woman in existence who had something special that you did not. Somewhere along your life path, you listened to opinions about what is right and wrong and you decided not to decide for yourself.

Question: When is the last time you said to yourself… “I look good.”

Leave a comment below…

SurveyStud: In the App Store

Her Happiness 

I love the city of Houston, and all it has to offer. But as I sit here, I’m thinking about how the world is always telling women who we are. Its like I’m stuck in some weird time warp, with the world declaring the ideal image of happiness for women.

It’s getting harder and harder for me to remind myself that in some instances, I need to put myself first and let the chips fall where they may. It’s important to note that I’ve learned you cannot pour from an empty cup.

The world, my world is changing so fast. Sometimes I feel I’ve/we’ve forgotten how to truly love. We’ve forgotten how to forgive, how to laugh, how to smile, how to enjoy what is in front of us… No in front of (say your name ( please reread that last sentence.) We’ve forgotten how to appreciate what is around us, and what we have achieved. We’ve lost touch with what makes us our best. We are becoming robotic in our movements concerning work, love, life–more so expectations.

I wrote this to say, you are a smart woman, and need to know, and believe in the possibility of something more… believing somewhere out there is a guy who wants to spend happy hour buying you drinks without asking you to Paypal him a few dollars.

Think about it, we don’t even see ourselves in the mirror anymore; some how we’ve lost the fact we have finer motor control skills, and abilities than what we show the world.

“Stay Woke” isn’t just about watching the moves Big Brother is making or being enlightened about communities. It’s about waking up to who you are specifically.

You were born to contribute to another’s live in some form. Nothing influences the next light than seeing you build yourself and helping others to do the same. But first, you/we/me/I have to focus our own light. We have to find our personal rhythm which allows us to say it’s ok to curl up on the couch eating Chipotle, instead of worrying about things that have not happened yet. Its Ok.

Try to connect with who you are, and what you like to do. Trust me, it’s not easy. I’m still learning this for myself. It is a process. But being this young and feeling burned out cannot be a way of life.

Question: What ia your rhythm or the thing that makes you happy?

Leave a comment below…

SurveyStud: In the App Store

Fake Friend

A line from my favorite TV Show: (which I will not name) Friends are like breasts. You have big ones, small ones, real ones and fakes ones.”

As we get older, our friends change while we’re changing, and sometimes it’s hard to see the people you keep company with. Ladies I feel we all experience that one jealous friend who does THEE most in trying to keep up a pretentious relationship. I had one I actually lived with who truly wanted my down fall. Through my own experience and those of others, I have noted ways to identify these fraudulent people.

– They’re secretly intimated by your presence because of their inferior complex. These can sometimes be the people who want to see you one day, and not see you again for weeks. You may catch them staring at you when you’re not facing them; trying to figure out how you came to be who you are and why they are who they are. They pick and choose what friends of theirs you interact with so they won’t feel inferior. They constantly compare themselves to you, or their life to your life. Oh, and they troll the hell out of you on social media.

– They are insatiable, never content. They want what you got. You ever have a friend and wonder why they are constantly complaining while comparing their life and your life? They can have more than you have, and they still want every bit of what you have because they think it will make them as happy as you.

– They follow and monitor your every movement and action, pretending as if their intentions are good. These are the people who constantly want to know where you are going and what you are doing. They need to know every step you take because they are obsessed with your happiness and how you obtain it.

– They copy your style and try to outdo you
They ask where you bought your latest pair of shoes from. They scavenge your closet, they eye your social media, hoping to emulate even one simple outfit. These are the people that always try to one-up you. If you have a brand specific watch, they get the same or a similar brand with a watch that costs more. It’s bizarre, but it makes them feel better.

– They secretly wish for your downfall, but adore you in public. Be wary and vigilant. These are some of the sickest people you will know who will scream to the world on top of the mountain that they love you and you’re their best friend. They are constantly wishing for your downfall in ALL things, both big and small matters. They want to see you fail because their jealousy wants you to fail. They click with people who don’t like you, and tend to egg them on when they are speaking bad of you.

– They never truly appreciate your help. Their egos can’t stand the fact that you’re the one they need to go to for help. Especially if they are doing better by societal standards (ie. financially). They may pretend to be thankful, or thank you grudgingly, but inside they can’t stop themselves from cursing you for being the one that has to help them.

There are obvious other ways to spot these fake people in your life, but I believe these are the most common. Not every “frenemy” is going to have all of these issues i described, but they will have one or two forms. These people are the ones who may truly want to be your friend, but their own jealousy won’t allow that to happen.

Question: Did I miss anything?

Leave a comment below…

SurveyStud: In the App Store

Sex & Lies

Sex can be one of the most intimate and bonding experiences two people can have … but it can also be a time fraught with uncertainty, irritation and … LIES! C’mon, we’ve all lied occasionally about, during or after sex. “Was it good for you?” can really only be followed by, “Of course it was, honey,” unless you want to break up. If it wasn’t, bring it up later (gently) in the therapist’s office. Here’s ways we lie about sex.

1. Being on birth control. Sadly, women do lie about birth control sometimes. One woman confesses to telling her husband she is NOT on birth control even though she is. They mutually decided to have a baby, but after they hit financial and relationship problems, she decided it wouldn’t be a good idea. But when she tried to bring up going back on bc again, she says he “knows he’ll be mad and upset and think we’re breaking up or something.”

2. Not being on birth control. Probably the most dangerous sex lie a woman can tell — secretly trying to get yourself impregnated is never a good idea. Whether it’s to hold a relationship together, to twist a proposal out of a guy, or to just have a baby cause you’re ready and he’s not — STEER CLEAR of this major lie!

3. Of course I’m clean. New couples should have STD talks with each other — but usually it takes the form of, “Have you ever been tested?” and then the other person says, “Of course I have. I’m totally clean.” In reality, you don’t know unless the person shows you test results! And believe me, people lie about it. Some even go so far as to lie when they know they do have an SDT. A model is suing her rich ex after discovering she had herpes, which she believes he gave her.

4. You’re the best lover I’ve ever had. Might be true. But if not, you’ll say it anyway.

5. You’re the first lover I’ve ever had. Not everyone lies about this, but some do for some strange reason.

6. Sorry, got my period. One of those sneaky little fallback lies women rely on when they’re not in the mood. Some guys don’t care and will grab you anyway, but enough do get skeeved that it can be reliably used as an avoidance tactic.

7. Nope, not on my period. For the lady who wants some nookie but is afraid her menses-sensitive guy won’t comply if he knows she’s flowin’, she can just do a clean up and act like she doesn’t have it. By the end of the period, should be good for 15 minutes at least. If she leaks, she can be all, “Oh my goodness, I didn’t realize!”

8. I never fantasize about anyone else. Right.

9. I never masturbate. Okaaaay.

10. I love giving blowjobs. Usually said in the courtship period.

11. Your penis is huuuuge!

12. It tastes great.

13. You smell great.

14. That feels great. Yeah, even when he’s pinching your nipples like a toddler death-gripping a favorite toy.

15. Number of sex partners. Guys inflate. Girls forget (For women some encounter don’t count 😊)

Question what sexual lies have you told?

Leave a comment below…

SurveyStud. In the App Store

unconscious bias toward short men

Do women see short men as lepers? Not quite, though it does seem that most women feel that short men aren’t relationship material. Having heard short male friends of mine complain about their jeopardized status in the dating pool, I can speak for at least some of them when I say that short men believe that women see them as less than or deficient, as if models pulled off an assembly line because they don’t measure up to the others. 

If we conceptualize the dynamic along a continuum of developmental stages, it’s as if women see short men as awkward teens stunted in time, desperate at a school dance and relegated to the side wall.

In short, it seems that somehow short men aren’t perceived as real men.

Now I’ve spent the majority of my dating life with tall guys. One guy was so tall I had to stand on my tip-toes to kiss him. I liked having taller boyfriends—-I just thought that was how it was supposed to be.

In reality, the problem isn’t short guys—it’s us/me. We’re so hung up on whether a man has a few inches to spare that we tend to miss one important fact: This is a person we’re talking about, and we’re judging them on their height, of all reasons. We might as well take a pass on a potentially great guy because his leg hair curls the wrong way… that was a bad example. Anyway.

The reason I’m writing about this, my Uber driver has his seat uncomfortably close to the steering wheel, and it made me realize I’m not attracted to short men. I mean this guy is super nice but: could he protect me in a bad situation–can a short guy protect me, and it’s not the fact that he’s short it’s the 23yr old image imprinted in my mind of what protection looks like.

In my mind the image of protection looks like my dad: 6’2, very athletic, protective A-Type personality. Which probably explains why I alienate short men.

I really need to think about this. I will stop for now, but I realize I have this unconscious bias towards short men.

Question: How do you feel about dating short men?

Leave a comment below…

SurveyStud: In the App Store

When You simply… exist

In a relationship, it’s easy to fall into a pattern. And I’m not saying there’s something wrong with routine. It’s really quite lovely to be with someone who makes you feel so secure that you can go through life unfazed by the bullsh*t.

But you have to be careful in love. Sometimes, you can confuse being comfortable with being happy.

All too often, we find ourselves in long-term relationships that don’t excite us. We stay because we’re terrified of the alternative, but we don’t have the energy to start something new.

Our everyday routines make us complacent and satisfied, and it’s too late before we realize what’s happening.

After months, years and perhaps even decades, you wake up beside your partner and don’t even know how you ended up there.

Though the differences between “happy” and “comfortable” can be slight, they’re very real.

Being happy means butterflies; being comfortable means complacency.

When you’re happy, you’re in a state of euphoria. And “euphoria” doesn’t mean unrealistic romantic bliss. It just means your stomach flips every time you see your lover. There’s a spark and an excitement that doesn’t die down, because that’s how happy you are.

But when you’re comfortable, you go with things. You don’t question it. You’re not affected by your partner’s presence. You’re checked out.

You’re not precisely unhappy, but you’re not joyous, either. You simply… exist.

But if you “simply exist” for too long, you’ll find yourself completely suffocated.

Think I will stop here because this is making me feel very sad… I just wiped a tear off my iphone screen–I’m really talking about myself. Dang.

Leave a comment below…