Eye Contact During Sex

Making eye contact can feel very vulnerable, regardless of if the recipient is a loved one or a complete stranger. Looking another person in the eye is intimidating enough, but if they’re looking right back at us, we can feel even more uncomfortable.

On a literal level, making eye contact means being seen by another person. So many of us have fears and insecurities that we would like to keep hidden from other people, and there’s something about eye contact that can feel like we’re totally exposed. Naked, even.

Speaking of naked, eye contact can be particularly vulnerable when it comes to sex. Sleeping with someone is intimate enough as it is, without the added anxiety of looking at each other while you’re doing it.

Most people have sex in the dark, so eye contact isn’t even possible. Even if there is enough light to see, many people will avoid eye contact.

Your faces may be within inches of each others, but odds are you’ll find ways to look at anything except your partners’ eyes. Others will close their eyes during sex. And eye contact during orgasm – forget it! That’s usually way too intense for most people.

While it may seem intimidating at first, getting more comfortable with greater eye contact can have a big effect on your sex life. Here are some of the potential benefits:

– Increases self esteem: Looking people in the eye is a wonderful way to increase your self-esteem and make you feel more confident. It brings you into a stronger and more authentic relationship with yourself. More confidence outside of the bedroom translates to more confidence inside the bedroom.

– Deepens your connection: Making eye contact with a romantic partner deepens your emotional connection. A number of scientific studies have shown that consistent eye contact is one of the best ways to bond with your partner.

– Builds trust: It doesn’t matter if your sexual partner is a casual friends-with-benefits or a long-term romantic partner – having more trust leads to better sex. When you believe that you’re with someone trustworthy, you open yourself up to a wider sexual repertoire and greater pleasure.

– It’s arousing!: Eye contact during sex can be extremely arousing. It’s an amazing experience to watch your partner experience pleasure, and to be witnessed in your own pleasure.

Bottomline… Eye contact is a pretty anxiety-inducing experience for many of us.

Question: Is eye contact during sex important to you?

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Venting…

I remember the first time I tried to describe the physical sensation of menstrual cramps to my dad. His face twisting into a horrified grimace.

Yes. Yes, it can be. And many of us deal with it every month. But unless you’re our SO or close friend, you’ll probably never know about it. Because we still manage to get sh*t done.

There are a lot of similar struggles that women experience all the time — some silly and small, some alarmingly big — that many men might not be aware of or understand. For example we’re always expected to look nice. And to look happy and have a pleasant demeanor. Seriously, sometimes we want to go outside with frizzy hair and no makeup and sweatpants and not talk to or smile at anyone. I also hate white I go to sleep on white sheets, with a white pillow, and wake up with sheets that look like a 1st grader just colored all over them… uggggghhhh.

OMG what about thinking about your safety ALL the time… Where you walk, how dark it is, where you park, who is in your general vicinity at all times. Parking at the mall? Don’t park near a van! Want to stay late studying? Better have someone walk you to your car. It’s exhausting honestly.

See guys dont have these type of thoughts and or problems.

Then you have the petty stuff i.e… painting your nails with the non-dominant hand–how about going-upstairs boobs. Sleeping face down boobs. Hello I’m going to hurt for no reason today boobs. Boob bra knot boobs. We’ve fallen out and going to do our own thing today boobs.

Don’t judge me, I’m venting…

If I happen to run a few errands or God forbid go to school or work without makeup on and I run into someone I know, I get ‘hey are you okay? You look sick.’ And then when I do wear makeup and I look all cute and presentable, I’ll hear, ‘yeah guys definitely like the natural look better.’

Then there’s the stress of an unexpected period, but then also the stress of an unexpected not-period.

Then theres shaving my kneecaps. Twenty-three years of practice and I’m still awful at it.

Finally because I don’t want to bore you with my problems, but ANYTHING and everything you do with the opposite sex can ([and] probably will at some point) be interpreted as being a tease or leading him on.

I could go on-and-on. Sorry, thanks for reading 🙂

Question: What’s something you want to vent about but for whatever reason have not let it out?

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Bikini Wax

So today I took my best friend to get a Bikini Wax, and I learned something I did not know i.e… there are many types of wax–OMG where have I been.

From a landing strip to a love heart, the front fluff is a thing to be cherished. Here’s how to have some fun with yours, if you fancy:

Before we get all waxy with ya, let’s be clear, there is nada wrong with leaving things down there 100% au natural. There’s no pressure to play around with your pubes if you don’t want to, but if you do, these are some of the best styles and shapes to try.

Ideal for a first time waxer, the bikini line touch up is exactly as the name would suggest, a tidy up around the edges. A good option if you want to keep things on the natural side, but prefer a little more definition. Hair is removed from anywhere outside of a modest panty line – so around the tops of thighs and any hair above your panty.

Similarly to the above, the full bikini wax is still nice ‘n’ natural, but with a little more of a neaten up around the top and sides of your pubes. This is usually referred to as a standard bikini line on most salon menus. You can keep your knickers on when you have this one done.

A French wax differs from other styles like a Brazilian as most of the hair is taken from around the front and sides, but the middle (labia) and around the back is left alone.

If you want down there to be smooth and clean of hair, without feeling too bare, French is the way to go.

The shape of the hair at the front is totally up to you, but the landing strip is a classic option. Other popular shapes include a tiny triangle and a postage stamp, but feel free to ask for whatever style you prefer.

Now if you want to feel super clean, Brazilian waxes are one of the most popular options when it comes to primping ya pubes. Unlike the French version, when you go Brazilian they take the hair off the top and sides of the bikini line, but also all the way under and around the back, too. 

If you want to feel totally smooth and hairless, go Brazilian.

Just like with a French wax, when having a Brazilian you can ask for whatever shape you like, many people opt for a landing strip, but another popular option is the Bermuda triangle. It resembles a traditional bikini line wax (with just a neat triangle of hair left) but minus the fluff on your labia and ass.

Question: What’s your thoughts on waxing?

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Fixed My Nipples

Just like snowflakes, no two nipples are the same. (Not even the ones in a matching set.) Let’s just say that if variety is the spice of life, then nipples make livin’ real tasty. But did you know that there are actually, like, clinical categories of nips? The size and color of the areola, the amount of Montgomery glands and the shape and appearance of the teat itself all contribute to the aesthetic of the nipple.

Another thing I’ve learned/noticed is that normally my nipples react to temperature and also when I’m aroused, or maybe even if it’s just whenever anything touches them. But what causes nipples to get hard?

Fun fact: During puberty I thought my nipples were broken. For whatever reason as a child all of the adult nipples I had seen had been erect, so when mine weren’t erect all the time I assumed that they were defective and spent a lot of time in the locker room strategically changing to hide them. Nowadays, I not only realize that my nipples only being erect some of the time is completely normal, but also that nipples in whatever form are nothing to hide or be shy about.

Another thing I was weirded out when I realized the massive difference in the size of my areola when my nipples are erect versus when they’re not. It turns out that’s not unusual, but I still didn’t understand how it could be such a huge change. I also noticed that my nipples are wrinkly… WTF! Apparently: “Epidermis in the unerected nipple shows wrinkles that increases the surface area. This wrinkles enables the surface to expand and becomes flat during erection (Over the last couple of days I have learned so much about nipples: Thanks Google!)

Sometimes I realize my nipples are erect at a moment I wouldn’t expect, because they’re reacting to something the rest of my body isn’t aware of. But I’m not going to question it–instead of being embarrassed or hiding them behind thick clothes, I’m ready to let them out. They’re completely natural and it’s not my job to hide them, or is it.

Question: Whats the best way to handle erect nipples?

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Itchy Nipples…

Have you ever been walking along, having a totally normal day, and suddenly your nipples feel itchy, it’s like you’re wearing a bra made of a 1000 nipples.

If your nipples are anything like mine, they don’t usually cause much trouble — they go along to get along, trooping around quietly in the bra until you need to unleash them for practical and/or recreational purposes — which might be why, when your nipples feel strange, it can sometimes be kind of terrifying.

That terror can easily turn into full-tilt panic: My first thoughts are ALWAYS could my itchy, dry nipples be a sign of something serious? Are these random hairs going to be here for the rest of my life? Why hast thou betrayed me, beloved headlights!

The shock of having a nipple feel weird is usually much worse than whatever’s actually going on with your nipple — because, for the most part, nipple weirdness is not a sign of a serious health problem. Anything having to do with my breasts can send me into breast cancer panic mode.

The most common nipple-related breast cancer symptoms are tenderness, dimpling, a change in skin texture on the nipple, and a suddenly inverted nipple (inverted nipples are common and harmless — a sudden inversion is the only cause for alarm.)

So what I’ve learned is that anything else that you feel: random itch, tingle, or drip — is most likely nothing to worry about.

If your nipples look or feel different than they usually do for a prolonged period of time, or if you’re just freaked out, it’s always a good idea to see a doctor. 

First of all, itchy nipples are almost never a sign of a health problem. In rare cases, itchy nipples can be a symptom of inflammatory breast cancer or Paget disease of the breast, but itching is almost never the only symptom.

Run-of-the-mill itchy nipples have more benign causes: sometimes the itchiness is created by a skin condition, like eczema, but if you’re not experiencing a rash or other symptoms, odds are that your nipples are itchy because they’ve become irritated — by the laundry detergent or soap that you use, by friction in an ill-fitting bra, or by dry weather that’s making all of your skin dry and itchy.

Itchy nipples can also be a side effect of pregnancy-related breast growth — as a pregnant woman’s breasts expand, the stretching of the skin can irritate the nipple, leading to drying, cracking, and a persistent nipple itch.

Fortunately, itchy nipples are easy to treat, for pregnant and non-pregnant folks alike — just massage some non-irritating moisturizer into your nipple, especially right after you come out of the shower. The moisture should keep your nipples calm. But no matter how itchy your nips get, don’t put calamine lotion on them — that lotion can actually dry the skin of the nipple, and make the itching worse.

Question of the day: How do you handle the itchy nipple?

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Saggy Breasts

As a 20 something I would have never thought saggy boobs represent some sort of canonistic experience for women of all ages regardless of social-economics, and or demographics. See unless you saw me naked, you would never guess I have saggy boobs. Yes I said it. I have saggy boobs.

It’s like one morning I woke up, rolled on my back and my boobs just didn’t follow with the rest of my body. I’m not kidding, when I lie down, 80 percent of my breasts fall into my armpit. It’s really cute.

At the ripe age of 23, they’re completely deflated. I thought boob sag would only come after pregnancy, but I was wrong. Gravity is a law. My body has abided.

Sometimes I wonder what I did to gravity to deserve this boob sag. Sometimes I’ll lift them up, look in the mirror and gawk at how much of my body they cover up. My upper ribs are constantly in the shadow of my under-boob.

When I hit puberty, my ta-tas were a size D. I even had stretch marks in high school because my chest was #blessed. But at around age 20, my overwhelming D-cups deflated to modest C-cups.

Another thing I noticed my boob sag is my biggest insecurity when it comes to hooking up. They look great when they’re tucked up into a bra, but once that comes off, they’re just going to flop out. It’s like opening a bag of chips only to find more air than chips.

Then there’s the gym… OMG!!! Has anyone else gone to the gym, attempted to do some crunches and all of the sudden notice half your boob is leaking out the side of your sports bra? Just me? OK.

If you have saggy boobs, sports bras work their magic by reinforcing everything, but your boobs just get flattened against your chest in the most unflattering way. They do this droopy, separation thing as you run on the treadmill. It’s just not cute.

No matter what bra cup size you have, you probably struggle to find bathing suits that fit well. I laugh when I look at string bikinis because they’re just something I’ll never be able to wear. Ever since I grew these damn things, bikini tops have been my worst enemy. Either I’m busting out of them, forming an attractive quad boob (when they spill out the top) or there’s no support whatsoever. That’s when I contemplate just avoiding beaches altogether.

My cleavage used to be difficult to cover up. Now, I can only create Victoria’s Secret-worthy cleavage when there’s a gravity-defying push-up bra involved.

So I wrote all of this to say, you are not the only woman to deal with boob sag.

Question: Have you ever experienced boob sag?

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Sex & Lies

Sex can be one of the most intimate and bonding experiences two people can have … but it can also be a time fraught with uncertainty, irritation and … LIES! C’mon, we’ve all lied occasionally about, during or after sex. “Was it good for you?” can really only be followed by, “Of course it was, honey,” unless you want to break up. If it wasn’t, bring it up later (gently) in the therapist’s office. Here’s ways we lie about sex.

1. Being on birth control. Sadly, women do lie about birth control sometimes. One woman confesses to telling her husband she is NOT on birth control even though she is. They mutually decided to have a baby, but after they hit financial and relationship problems, she decided it wouldn’t be a good idea. But when she tried to bring up going back on bc again, she says he “knows he’ll be mad and upset and think we’re breaking up or something.”

2. Not being on birth control. Probably the most dangerous sex lie a woman can tell — secretly trying to get yourself impregnated is never a good idea. Whether it’s to hold a relationship together, to twist a proposal out of a guy, or to just have a baby cause you’re ready and he’s not — STEER CLEAR of this major lie!

3. Of course I’m clean. New couples should have STD talks with each other — but usually it takes the form of, “Have you ever been tested?” and then the other person says, “Of course I have. I’m totally clean.” In reality, you don’t know unless the person shows you test results! And believe me, people lie about it. Some even go so far as to lie when they know they do have an SDT. A model is suing her rich ex after discovering she had herpes, which she believes he gave her.

4. You’re the best lover I’ve ever had. Might be true. But if not, you’ll say it anyway.

5. You’re the first lover I’ve ever had. Not everyone lies about this, but some do for some strange reason.

6. Sorry, got my period. One of those sneaky little fallback lies women rely on when they’re not in the mood. Some guys don’t care and will grab you anyway, but enough do get skeeved that it can be reliably used as an avoidance tactic.

7. Nope, not on my period. For the lady who wants some nookie but is afraid her menses-sensitive guy won’t comply if he knows she’s flowin’, she can just do a clean up and act like she doesn’t have it. By the end of the period, should be good for 15 minutes at least. If she leaks, she can be all, “Oh my goodness, I didn’t realize!”

8. I never fantasize about anyone else. Right.

9. I never masturbate. Okaaaay.

10. I love giving blowjobs. Usually said in the courtship period.

11. Your penis is huuuuge!

12. It tastes great.

13. You smell great.

14. That feels great. Yeah, even when he’s pinching your nipples like a toddler death-gripping a favorite toy.

15. Number of sex partners. Guys inflate. Girls forget (For women some encounter don’t count 😊)

Question what sexual lies have you told?

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Her Flexibility In Bed

So I’m laying here thinking having a super-flexible body comes with endless benefits. For starters, you can leave everyone in awe during yoga or pilates without breaking a sweat. But being able to wrap your feet behind your neck is also a handy trick in more, shall we say, X-rated realms. Flexibility opens up a whole wide world of sexual experimentation that less limber people can only dream of, or try at the risk of pulling various muscles. Here are positions to add to your roster when you’re insanely flexible.

– Modified lotus. The lotus sex position is all about closeness. The point is for you and your partner to become tangled up in each other while also benefitting from intense eye contact, which is why it’s a staple in movie sex scenes. Have your partner sit down with crossed legs, then sit on top them. While you’d usually wrap your arms around each other, the flexibility modification comes into play when you throw one or both of your legs over your partner’s shoulder. Hello, way deeper penetration! Nice of you to join the party.

– Modified standing doggy style. People with Gumby-like limbs can try out all sorts of standing sex that those with more resistant joints can’t quite manage. For this position, have your partner stand behind you, then bend forward in front of them, planting your hands firmly on the ground. You can keep your legs far apart or bring them closer together—it’s worth switching it up to see how that changes the sensation.

– Standing doggy style with a split. Start off in modified standing doggy style, then lift one of your legs in the air like the sex gymnast you are. Your partner can hold it while thrusting, or if your heights work for this, you can rest your foot on their shoulder. Even better if you don’t warn them you’re about to lift it, then look over your shoulder and see their eyes pop out in holy-hell-she’s-an-actual-sex-goddess amazement.

– Missionary with a split. Give this old favorite a very bendy twist. Lie on your back with your legs open and knees bent, and with a few pillows under your butt for support. Have your partner kneel in between your legs, and as you start having sex, lift one of them so it’s resting on their shoulder. As you continue, ask them to slowly lean forward until your leg is sandwiched in between your chests. The feeling of incredible sex combined with a good hamstring stretch is pretty much unparalleled.

– Missionary with both legs up. It’s the same as the previous position, except you’re throwing both legs over their shoulders before they lean down. Double the pleasure, double the fun, double the ahhh as you give your muscles a quality stretch.

– Reclining spider. Sit across from your partner and arrange your legs so that you both have one stretched and one bent. The magic happens when you each have a bent leg in the perfect place to create some very good friction. Thanks to your accommodating hip flexors and the ability to arch your back without throwing it out, you can move back and forth against your partner for however long you like.

– Reverse cowgirl with a side split. Take this sex-position staple up a notch. Have your partner lie down, then sit on top of them with one leg on either side of their body. Instead of just bouncing up and down at that stage, go a step further by leaning forward and extending your legs so you’re in a side split. You two can grind against each other, or your partner can take the reins and thrust up into you—perfect if you’re a fan of G-spot.

– Girl on top with a split. This is the upright version of missionary with a split, and depending on how you set yourselves up, it can do your body good in more ways than one. If you only extend your back leg, you can bend your front knee so you’re almost in a lunge position. All those up and down movements then do the double-duty of blowing your mind and boosting your workout.

Question: When is the last time you tried something new in bed?

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What Women Think About Attractive men

Like the comedic monologue in every rom-com you’ve ever seen is that semi-awkward moment where the protagonist sees a gorgeous, leading-man-type, hot guy. You can picture it now. The sucking in of your breath, the being slightly overwhelmed by their presence, and the thought of oh my God please don’t let my eyes bulge any further out of my head! It’s completely expected to have certain things pass through your mind during these moments.

The media has convinced women that beauty is something you should strive for and try to grasp at, especially when it is within your reach.

Why wouldn’t you crave the attention of an attractive man? Just to remind you that you’re not alone…  in your feelings, here are the thoughts most women have when we see a hottie:

Holy Sh*t He’s Hot. This is the standard, OMG reaction that many of you get when a gorgeous hunk of man meat walks in your general direction. It’s the recognition that this is a very attractive man and it’s taking you a minute to really grasp just how attractive. Usually, this is paired with eyes bulging out of your head, head turning, lower jaw dropping and possible perspiration. Just remember to keep it all in your head. Shouting “Holy sh*t you’re hot” at a complete stranger can sometimes be met with strange looks and restraining orders.

I’d Do Him. Men aren’t the only ones who can be controlled by their libidos. For women, it usually starts with some slight butterflies in your chest or stomach and it sometimes warms you all the way down to your knees. Fantasizing is completely normal, especially when someone you find incredibly attractive strolls by. You might even have these thoughts and gently bite your lip. Yes, that man is good enough to eat. Remember, it’s guilt-free because men do it all the time. It’s called the “yes or no” game.

He’s Better Looking Than My Ex. First and foremost, of course he is! There aren’t many men out there that aren’t better looking than your awful, lazy, slobby, finally-kicked-him-to-the-curb ex, unless your ex is Denzel Washington; in which case, our condolences, and alas, this hottie is NOT better looking than your ex. It’s normal to think these things, and the more you notice how beautiful other men are, the easier it is to forget and move the heck on.

I Wonder If He’s Good In Bed. The cat’s out of the bag. It’s not just men who look at an attractive woman and fantasize about sleeping with him. The difference is that women actually take a few moments to analyze the likelihood of him knowing what he’s doing or if he’ll just go at you like a jackhammer… for all of 3 minutes… if you’re lucky. So just keep in mind, it’s okay to think about it, and it’s okay to fantasize about it, but whether or not you proposition a complete stranger is up to you.

We’d Have Beautiful Babies. Every woman has fantasized about what her babies with a celebrity would look like. Think George T. Reynolds, Will Smith, Channing Tatum… the list goes on. People are hardwired to scope out their best possible mate. You make decisions based on height, appearance, job, hair colour, and many other factors. Everyone that has made the decision to have babies wants healthy, beautiful babies so go ahead, close your eyes and picture you and Mr. Gorgeous over there having a perfect, beautiful baby boy.

He’s WAY Too Good For That Girl. You may come across a handsome gentleman and you notice that he’s not alone. If he’s with a girl, you’re going to be prone to making the comparison between him and her. Most outsiders of relationships can look at one from afar and judge whether or not the relationship is ‘equal’. Which one is the better-looking one? Which one dresses better? Which one has the better job? OMG, he should not be with her. Followed usually by he should be with ME.

He’s WAY Out Of My League. Yes, you sometimes make the similar comparison you made to him and that other girl, but you sub yourself in, but shame on you! No one is out of you league. You can date anyone you want to. So it’s okay to have the quick thought where you know you want to date him, think that it could never happen, and then remember that if you really wanted to, you could. Put a smile on, catch his eye, purse your lips, keep walking and let him come after you.

Question: What do you think when you see a guy in the office?

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When You Say ‘I Love You’

Just like everything else, dating has a learning curve–Some people are fast learners. Others are slower. Some don’t gather too much data on dating; others have multiple anthologies on the subject. In other words, some are very timid, and others like to experiment. I’m not just talking sexually here, but certainly the two are related.

It’s really not about how many sex partners you’ve had; it’s about how many life partnerships you’ve tried to establish and how many years you’ve devoted to past partners. It takes time for people to get to know each other.

We start out knowing very little, usually allowing our imaginations to run wild and fill in the gaps. As we learn more, one of two things happens: We lose interest or we find that we’re even more intrigued than we were initially. The more often we feel the latter, the more likely we are to fall in love.

Ah, falling in love … I swear the only other experience that can compare to the rush of falling in love is falling out of an airplane. With a parachute, of course. The problem, however, is that you don’t want to be the only one jumping. But the truth is that someone always has to go first. It may as well be you.

You don’t need to wait until he or she tells you that he or she loves you. If you’re in love, you want to let the other person know. But you need to wait until it’s time. Here’s a few signs that’ll let you know when to say “I love you”:

1. You’re sure you love the other person.

You don’t need to be sure that this person is the one that you’re going to spend your life with. You should be certain that what you have is love. The truth is, you always know when you’re in love. I understand that when you look back, it may no longer seem like your previous loves were full of love.

But they were. A shallower love? Maybe. Definitely a less mature one — for with each failed relationship, we change as individuals. So if you’re questioning whether or not you love someone, it’s not time to jump the gun and tell that person that you do. Not even if it’s in reciprocation to his or her love for you.

Not hearing “I love you, too” is going to crush your partner — true. But as long as you explain that it doesn’t mean that you never will love him or her, things will be okay. Just don’t say “thank you.” That’s a bit fucked up. Be honest and let them process the information however they need to. If your partner really loves you, he or she not going anywhere. It would be impossible. When love is at play, free will fades to a memory.

2. You’ve been together long enough that you’re not afraid you’re going to scare the other person away.

Some fall in love faster than others. I believe most of us understand this, but when we find ourselves in love, we quickly move to convince ourselves that such a love must be reciprocated. Especially if the two of you are in what you believe to be a serious (or heading that way) relationship. You are both intimate, you want to spend time with each other, and you’re both very interested. But are you both in love?

That crossover to love isn’t always so simple. We all carry baggage, and sometimes that baggage slows us down. Sometimes we want to be in love but aren’t yet allowing ourselves. The worst part is when we don’t realize that we are the ones sabotaging things. Our past relationships define our present relationship. The past may define what a relationship is NOT supposed to be, but either way, those memories are sticking with us.

Until we allow ourselves decide to let them go, that is. We can let go of past pains without letting go of the lessons they brought with them. You don’t need pain to remind you; the memory of the pain you already experienced, the memory of the way you suffered, is enough. And that memory itself doesn’t need to cause pain. Until the two of you let go of that painful past, you won’t truly love each other. Understand that even if you’ve managed to let go, your partner may not have. Be understanding. Offer time and love.

3. You believe you’re capable of loving properly.

This brings us back to all that baggage you’re carrying. Loving is like hugging with your soul. Good luck lifting your arms with those 50-pound carry-ons under both your arms. Or maybe it’s not baggage; maybe you have too much going on in your life to make a real effort.

Some say that there is always time for love. Well, time should always be made for love, but I know plenty of people who keep themselves too busy to make a relationship work. If this is you, don’t lie to yourself and make promises that you won’t keep. With that being said, if you’ve found someone to love, then you’d better figure out a way to make time for that person. You’ll regret it if you don’t.

Maybe time isn’t an issue; maybe you’re too young. Maybe you’re not physically young; maybe you’re a little emotionally immature. It’s not something to be ashamed of — unless you’re 30 or older. Once you hit 30, you don’t need to get married and start a family, but you should be mature enough to truly appreciate a good thing when you see it. If not, then you must not be learning from your mistakes. If you love someone, say it. And give love only if you can do it fully and passionately.

4. You promise yourself that you’re going to stick it out when things get tough. Because they will get tough.

Things always do. I want to say that things get easier as we get older, but that isn’t always the case. Those of us who get wiser with age do find happy and healthy relationships more manageable. But of course, not all of us wise up. And by “wise up,” I mean, “come to the conclusion that no one is perfect.” People make mistakes. And the good ones — those that touch us and impact our lives — come in a blue moon.

Until you really understand all that, you’ll always have a few questions: What if? What if this person isn’t “the one”? What if I’m missing out on my true soulmate? What if I’m making a mistake? But loving is never a mistake. It’s all the stupid sh*t that we do when in love that’s a mistake. Don’t blame love for your indiscretions.

Relationships are easy until they’re not. They’re easy until rough times make it difficult for us to be happy. Until shit happens to us that rocks our little worlds. Until we stop putting in the effort that we once did. Until we stop feeling loved like we once did. Until we make mistakes…

If you can promise to ride things out for as long as reasonable, you’re ready to love. I’m not asking you to do anything that isn’t reasonable. When things get heated, just take a step back and reason out the best way to act. I’m asking you not to call it quits after years of happiness because you had a single moment of sadness or anger. 

Question: In your relationship(s) who said I love you first?

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