Curiosity & Real Estate

So my Tinder “friend” left his phone unlocked when he went to the shower, so I let my curiosity get the better of me. I couldn’t help but wonder, was I losing trust in him or was I really just curious?

I noticed his Tinder profile as I was swiping through, and I couldn’t help but wonder, should I be mad at him for not deleting his profile, or am I equally to blame, because I still have mine?

In my mind when it comes to relationships, it’s always prudent to aim for a man with class, and direction over a boy with swag. But this “friend” is different. Different in the since he is 27yrs old, with an incredible mind for business specifically real estate.

The guy owns 26 apartments, and 10 moving trucks, and did not come from money. So again I’m like curious as hell as to how he got his start. Well long story short, he caught me on his phone… and I flat out asked, “are you a drug dealer? How are you doing all of this at 27?” He shook his head, took his phone, dressed then left.

Fast forward: I did not hear from this guy for a month or so–then out of the blue I got an email from him:

When you think about making money, you have to think about helping and serving others. Why? Because that is where money comes from. Other people.

There are two main ways to serve other people. You either add value to their lives or you provide a service to them.

In the real estate context, this is the difference between the dealer (flipper) and the investor. The flipper is the add value person. The investor is the service provider.

Let’s start with the dealer. You go out to a neighborhood where you properly evaluate a home to be worth $120,000. That is the after repaired value or ARV. Because of reasons such as death, deferred maintenance, divorce, foreclosure or taxes, you are able to buy it for $75,000. In this case we’ll say $20K in deferred maintenance is the reason for the low price. You now purchase the property for $75,000, put $20,000 into rehab and have about $5000 in holding and closing costs. This puts you all in at $100,000. You put it on the market and sell the property in a couple of months for $120,000. This gives you a net profit of $20,000.

First let’s look at where the $20,000 came from. Did the real estate give you any money? No. It was the family that bought the property that gave you the money. You made money because you added value to other peoples lives.

Now let’s look at the investor. Take your average 40 unit apartment complex or 20 single family homes. You are going to net about $4000 per month if run effectively. Where does that money come from? Again, it comes from other people. It comes from providing a service to the families that you are providing a place to live.

It is important here to make a distinction between the dealer and the investor. If you will think about the $20,000 versus the $4000 it can sometimes look like the dealer is the better deal. However, let’s look closer.

If you’re a flipper and you buy, fix-up and sell a house profiting $20,000, how long does it take you to spend that money? For most people it’s not very long.

Remember that dealing is not investing–it is not investing. It is earned income so it is taxed differently.

First you have to pay both sides of the social security and Medicare. That is about 15% right there. Then you have to pay your income tax and that can be an additional 25 to 35%. So if you have to pay the lower tax, that means that 40% of that $20,000 is gone the minute you close the deal. You are left with $12,000.

Now let’s say that your bills, car note, house note, food, toothpaste…everything comes to $4000 a month. How long does it take to spend that $12,000? Just 3 months.

To get another $20,000 what do you have to do? You must go out and find another house and do it all over again. This is active or earned income and you are taxed as such.

Now let’s look at the investor with the 20 rent houses and $4000 a month profit. If their bills are $4000 a month and every month those 20 rent houses hand them $4000 a month, when do they have to go back to work? They don’t.

This is the difference between financial independence and self-employment. A dealer or flipper is just self-employed. He or she is constantly working to get that next house and get that next quick fix.

An investor is done. They are truly financially independent, hence this is how I got started. I bought a small apartment for $27k, moved in with my parents, rented the apartment out–then bought another within a year. I just kept buying apartments. Then realized people need away to move their stuff so I bought a junk truck for $4k blah blah blah.

I never saw that guy again. Matter-fact, he blocked me on all Social Media, and my number.

Question: You think I missed out on a good thing?

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Single Women Thoughts…

When I write I am often focused on the emotions of a single woman living and making her professional and even sexual person known. As any true feminist knows, the emotional-clothing she wears during especially pivotal moments in her life become indivisible from the emotions related to that experience. Bottomline in all of my sartorial wisdom, I am the fictional embodiment of emotionally-driven clothing.

Cause see at some point you/we have to recognize that the many people we’ve run through, just isn’t giving us the long lasting satisfaction that we are looking for. In a society where monogamy takes a backseat to every fleeting desire, you have to ask yourself what it is that I’m actually looking for.

As Barbie’s popularity grew, she became an idol to women everywhere. As time passed with botched surgeries and the stats of bulimia and anorexia rising, people began to see that looking like Barbie was unhealthy. I would love to say that we are over trying to be carbon copies of each other or a single woman, but that would be a lie. Women are still spending money to become their favorite idols when they look in the mirror. Men have become attracted to what society tells them they should be attracted to, and in attempt to live out their youth, they are trying to capture as many of these women as possible.

Many men can argue that women are the same way. Women seek men to look a certain way, have a certain size and girth below, be financially independent and willing to splurge on their woman.

What we all fail to realize is that it is important to be yourself. Quality over Quantity. People are afraid to be themselves because we see what other people like. Even the attempt to be original isn’t original anymore. We’ve allowed society to cut funding in areas that allow our creativity to take part in who we are as individuals. We’ve allowed our music to take on similar tones in order to sell. We’ve allowed ourselves to study fields we have little interest in, in the hope that money will settle the feeling of inadequacy within.

We have forgotten that things that are good for you, are scarce. If you are looking for the perfect partner for you, you will not find him or her in everyone you sleep with. What you want to do with your life is ultimately up to you and may not be the most current trend in popular careers or majors. When someone comes into your life, that you feel has a good heart and means the best for you, you keep that person around because you never know the next time you will receive a blessing again. We are losing too much of each other and ourselves in a world that enforces looking or feeling a certain way.

I understand at times my blog demonstrates a truth time and again, hyperbolically at times but nevertheless in a manner that is innately relatable to single women. But for a second I would like for you to step back and ask yourself a single question: Am I who I want to be?

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My Mom & Real Estate

Real Estate investments begins with one property at a time. Often, when you hear people talk about real estate investing they are talking big numbers. You hear about the millions to be made in the market, especially now when everyone is buying. You hear stories about the people who own 50 or more single family homes or bought a package of 10 investment properties. You hear about the people who syndicate large apartment deals or buy a smaller apartment complex of their own. What gets lost in the hype is that the vast majority of these investors began with just one property.

My Mom story, like many successful real estate investors, begins with one small property in Texas. It took her a while to buy or invest in property. My understanding she made lots of offers before one was accepted, and walked away from a few deals for a variety of reasons, most of which had more to do with fear than with the numbers. Finally, one of her mentors looked her in the eye and said, “buy this property or I will buy it myself.” So Mom bought the property that no one else would buy.

My Mom once said, “Every successful investor has a story.” Well truth is most Investors are just like you, and me: scared of making a wrong choice, but are determined to change their finanical situation. Another thing my Mom would say, “find a mentor you can trust;” following their advice, makes that first purchase easier and more successful.”

Her first rental investment property down in Houston was a diamond in the rough. Once cut and polished, she captured $36,000 in equity and a cash flow after all costs of $429.00 month – this from a house that no one wanted to buy! I remember her mentor telling her, “Someone lives in every house on this street and someone will live here too. The question is, will you be the one who profits from it?”

The next house came shortly after with an equity capture of $21,000 and $324.00 month cash flow after all expenses. The third house represents an equity capture of $27,000 and $290 month in cash flow. All of these properties have an ROI of 43% per year or more.

A picture is forming, right? For most of us, it is not one big deal that takes us from a J-O-B to retirement. It is taking the first step and following the correct road map that leads you to the retirement of your dreams. 

Question: What are you working towards?

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Does Size Still Matter

Last night my best girl friend called me to talk about size, and the conversation took me to a place where I wondered “does size still matter?” I mean, I’ve been in a relationship so long, I’m contempt or satified thus this topic is not on my radar.

I once wrote an article wondering how important size is. I focused on points concerning “le stroke” and how to find other ways to please your partner, since size isn’t something every man is blessed with. I pointed out other aspects that may be more important depending on the person you are.

Now I’m here to talk to the men.

Time, experience, and many conversations always include the question of the size of the partner whenever sex is involved. I feel there are certain…behaviors…a man with a smaller size penis should have. And yes. This will also be in list form, because it just seems easier to communicate my feelings in that manner for you all!

Know Your Place

Stop asking her if she can handle your “big stick” during sex. You BOTH know it’s NOT big, and it doesn’t help to remind her that you’re lacking! Stop comparing yourself to other guys you both may see on TV or online (and YES, men definitely do this!) She knows your size, and she’s comfortable enough as a woman to love you like the man that you are.

Realize this!

You Can’t Talk To Her Any Kind of Way
A lot of men feel they can question or talk to their woman in any manner. When you’ve got a big d*ck, you immediately get a way with a lot more of what you say and how you behave. This may seems wrong, but think about it. Think about every woman you’ve known that’s put up with a man’s sh*t. He either has a big d*ck or his stroke game is on mighty. Know that when you want to check her, you may need to check yourself first before she calls you out.

Licky-Licky to Sticky-Sticky

Yes. It’s true. There are still men in 2017 who won’t eat the box. Some women prefer d*ck over tongue, so it’s okay for them. If you have a woman like this, you better be hitting it right, no matter the size. But alas, if you fall short, you better know some good tricks to compensate. If your tongue game is excellent, then you’re halfway to taking her to that level. When one sense is dulled, the other senses become stronger to make up for it. It’s the same here buddy.

Take Care of Home

I mean, this should go for anyone in a relationship. But it goes juuust a little harder for those of you who are “fast-pumpers.” Show her how much you care and take care of home. Make sure she’s comfortable with you, and learn to connect with her on a deeper level than sex.

It goes without saying that someone should love you for who you are. As noble as that saying is, we all have our things that we like and don’t like. When you’re dating and in relationships, you’re not only figuring out what you like, but also what the other person likes. Life is all about balance. We all come up short in one manner or another.

Question: Does size still matter after you’ve been in a relationship for a while?

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Cheap Men

Guys, women watch how a man spends — or fails to spend — his money as a direct reflection of how generous and giving he is as a person. For example, a man who calculates his every dime and rarely treats his woman, or his friends for that matter, will be seen as a tightwad who puts his own bottom line above all else–specifically her.

Furthermore, they/we will assume that this trait applies to all aspects of the man’s character, from how open he is with his feelings to how much love he is able to give. This is not to say that women equate love with money; simply that women will be more drawn to a man who is generous both in finances and spirit.

My dating history, coupled with my passion for personal finance and girl power has molded some strong beliefs about men and money.

So, if you were ever wondering, one of my biggest pet peeves when it comes to love and money is cheap men. Seriously. There is nothing worse in my book. But my years of experience have given me the insight to detect that not every man that is tight with his wallet is cheap. He may actually be a keeper because he has a healthy relationship with money. He’s not cheap. He is financially responsible.

Here are a few ways to distinguish between financially responsible men and their no good, bootleg cheapo counterparts.

1. Price vs. Value: Cheap men speak in terms of price; financially responsible speak in terms of value. A cheap man will always find the price of something expensive no matter what the quality, the features, the level of convenience or improved quality of life it would bring. Nothing in the eyes of a cheap man is ever “really worth it.” (Sidenote: Despite it “not being worth it”, he has NO problem accepting it as a gift.)

On the other hand, a financially responsible man can objectively see why a product or service may be priced the way it is and still decide that he will pass on the purchase because it is not that important to him.

2. Hoarding vs. Handling: Cheap men hoard and hide money; they tend to be risk averse and would prefer to hide money in the lining of his mama’s fur coat than to spend it or invest it to buy something meaningful or to plan for the future. Financially responsible men, on the other hand, handle their money. They invest and envision. For example, financially responsible men may decide to save their money to purchase a home, invest in an index fund, set themselves up for retirement, or start their own businesses.

3. Treating Themselves vs. Treating Others: Cheap men are selfish. They have a scarcity mindset and only believe that there is enough for them. They don’t buy gifts for others; they don’t tip well; they lie about being broke to avoid chipping in. In other words, they are not generous when it comes to opening their wallets to show largesse to those that they claim to love. Financially responsible men, conversely, don’t mind showing their romantic companion a lavish time from time to time. They plan for splurge so they do not get sidetracked from their long-term financial goals. Similarly, they do not squeeze the last bit of service out of waitresses, department store workers, or cashiers

Question: Which type of man are you dating?

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Jealousy < Backfired

Guys allow me to start this off by saying, there are countless reasons as to why a woman would like to make a man jealous… Such as to get an ex back, get even and have revenge, or to get his attention.

Whatever the reason may be, making a guy jealous can be tricky, and may even backfire if you do it the wrong way. You need to be aware before you do it that making a guy jealous doesn’t always yield favorable results.

What can go wrong?

Before you even start to make a guy jealous, take caution and heed these warnings: Jealousy can make a guy obsessive, mean and violent: Making a guy jealous could potentially bring out the monster in him. If there’s any indication he can react violently, don’t take the chance or you might end up regretting it. Jealousy affects some guys in a very bad way. So be cautious and don’t make the guy too jealous.

You don’t get the guy just by making him jealous: Alot of guys don’t buy the jealousy technique and instead just give up on you. Guys often just think they’re better off without you.

If they give in to that type of emotional blackmail, it would hurt their ego so they give up as a means of escape from the helpless feeling. In some cases, guys even enjoy your act. Men who are self-assured, dominant, and who doesn’t have feelings for you find it interesting.

Be prepared for the payback: If he sees that you are just playing games, then you might just gain yourself an opponent. Some men react to jealousy by also making you jealous. It’s an eye for an eye. He’ll go out and flirt with other girls. He may even fight back to the point that he sleeps with another woman! So don’t expect him to come begging for you to come back. You may just get your own dose of medicine. And you’ll end up hurting all the more.

Only Make A Guy Jealous As A Last Resort

Use the jealousy approach as a last resort only because the stakes are high. It’s an easy weapon to use, but jealousy could also destroy you. If you have to resort to jealousy to get a man, then you will most likely fail.

Based on my experience (Yes I’ve played this game) if the guy has no feelings for you or has lost the love he once felt for you, making him jealous will not work.

Question: Have tou ever tried to make a guy jealous?

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What If I Had…

Sometimes I wonder if my life would be different had I made different choices. Would I be an intern with SurveyStud, Inc? Would I have a fabulous gay BFF and dominate the Houston Hipster scene? Would I have a purple dildo named Willie Nelson (Dont judge, I’m baring my soul.)

These questions linger in my mind from time to time. I watch SNL and the scurrying of the production crew reminds me of the production assistant job I was offered at 21. I recall a meeting with my new boss, Nola, and her team. The responsibility, the long work hours, the poor pay, the possibility of living a life I wasn’t sure I wanted: it was all too much for me. Nola never saw or heard from me again.

My gay BFF would have been a product of living in Houston. I often daydreamed of riding in a red convertible, top down, EMD (Eletronic Dance Music) blasting. The wind whipping my hair as if I’d pushed Beyonce out of the way and became the star of her video. The base of the beats pouring from the speakers, turning heads. But these daydreams never became reality.

After living in South Jersey for 2 years, uprooting my life and leaving my family behind once again became unfathomable. My gay BFF and I never had a chance.

As for my lost college love, I see his life playing out on Facebook and think of the choice I made my Freshman year. It was Bad Boy Justin over kind Erik, and I chose wrong. Or so I think. Sure, I wonder what could have been, especially now that I am single, 23, and ready for love and commitment. I ponder my life with Erik when I peruse the photos of his daughter, and think, how beautiful our children would be. But don’t we all reminisce when it comes to matters of the heart? Yes, we do. And could a different path have been better? Perhaps.

The only thing that is certain is that there are no guarantees. My choices, whether regretful or not, have led me to where and who I am today. They’ve taught me lessons I never even knew existed, which is why I am grateful for my path, even if I abandoned Nola, never bedazzled jeans with my gay BFF, and broke Erik’s heart.

Now, I choose to live in the present moment. I choose to leave the ‘what ifs’ and ‘shoulda, woulda, coulda’s’ in this blog and move forward with certainty that I am where I’m supposed to be. It is the best choice I’ve made thus far and I’m sticking to it.

Question: Do you ever think about what if?

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