Her Value

It’s not a secret men can’t — and won’t — commit. Trust funds and Instagram have made them troubled, or rather I should say trouble. But as I sit here watching my pizza fizzle in the microwave, I’m wondering does a fear of commitment give a person the right to disappear or reappear whenever they like?

This topic has randomly popped up over the past couple of years. I have a mentor (Amy Goldenberg, Consumer Research Analyst, SurveyStud, Inc) who constantly tells me I should date older man and forever pushes the lyric of “It’s better to be an old man’s sweetheart, than a young man’s fool.” I have friends who will only date older men. There is plenty of evidence that supports dating someone who is older, but is it truly worth it?

A nod must be given to the knowledge that women mentally develop faster than our counterpart. In this scenario, a woman is looking to date a man around her age. Depending on her standards, most men end up coming up short, whether in maturity level, finances, emotional intelligence, etc. Older men have the appearance of experience, wisdom, and theoretically are more stable when it comes to relationships. However, Im sorry but mentality I can’t get over seeing saggy balls… gives me the creeps.

For men, dating and older woman is sometimes the ultimate goal. I feel as though men tend to date women who are younger, but when get upset that she’s more immature than he thought. The older woman has the appeal of being more grounded, willing to hold her man down and/or can provide for him in ways that he can’t provide for himself.

On the flip side, older people in relationships can be more controlling. They can demand more of you than you have to give and force you into situations you weren’t ready for.

I’ve dated men who were younger than me, and I would be lying to say that at the time, it didn’t bother me. When I was younger, I looked older, and now that I am getting older, apparently, I look younger. Placing an emphasis specifically on someone’s age does not always mean that he/she is the one for you. If you were born in the Millennium generation, look to your left and look to your right. We are beginning to understand that there is no age to maturity, or stability, or experience. We are the generation learning to express ourselves while at the same time learning that life can not be placed on conveyor belt and handled in an orderly manner.

It doesn’t bother me as much anymore if I date someone younger than me. I still place a cap at a certain age for my own purposes. But I implore you, my fellow brothers and sisters, to look for more in a person than what year they were born compared to yours. What matters is how you connect with the person and where you can see yourself going with that person. What matters is how that person makes you feel, or how much your face hurts because they can’t stop making you smile.

If everyone thought deeper about who they were with, why they were with them, and were more self assured, we all wouldn’t worry about the woes of dating someone older or younger than you.

Question: How do you feel about dating someone elder?

Leave a comment below…

SurveyStud: In the App Store

Accepting Yourself Being Happy

The most dominant feeling I carry around with me is one of extreme social awkwardness. Which is strange, because most people who know me, would described me as a confident woman.

I’m aware that outwardly I am very skilful at presenting a positive and socially pleasing demeanor, while on the inside feeling anxious and exhausted from keeping up the act. Not just at work or at parties, but in my closest relationships too—with my friends, my family and, most bizarrely, with my fiancée.

Perhaps the reason I am/was so well liked by so many is because I would agree with just about everything anyone said, so I was no bother to them. In disputes, I’d take both sides. I was always the first to offer a hand when someone needed help, but not because I felt charitable; I just wanted them to like me more.

If I got angry or frustrated, which I did often, you would never have known it. You would have seen someone who appeared unflappable, regardless of the circumstances. If I was hurt, let down or disappointed, my lightening reflex was to smile and say, “That’s okay!” Somewhere along the line I had developed the philosophy that my happiness was dependent on the approval of others.

This meant that my level of contentment was proportionate to how pleased I thought others were with me moment to moment. Of course, the problem was that I rarely thought they approved of me enough, so I was rarely happy.

Now that I think about it, some of my earliest memories involve me trying extremely hard to be a “good girl,” to do what I was told, and how lonely it felt to fall out of favor with my parents. I never thought about what I wanted from life, only what would make others want to have me around.

The ultimate price I paid was my self worth, which I now know is fundamental to a truly satisfying and fulfilling life. Not only is authenticity vital for your relationships with others, but more importantly for your relationship with yourself.

Isn’t it funny how the strategies we use to protect ourselves from our deepest fears are often the exact same strategies that manifest our fears into reality?

Anywho I want to share with you three of the most important principles that I’ve learned about authentic happiness. I hope they inspired you:

1. We live the feeling of our thinking.

As William Shakespeare famously wrote, “Nothing is either good or bad but thinking makes it so.” Being authentically happy starts with the realization that you are both the source and the cause of your own well-being.

We never get to experience the world as it really is; we only get to experience our thoughts about the world. It wasn’t actually other people’s disapproval that made me unhappy; it was my mistaken belief that happiness is something that comes from outside of me in the form of approval. Even when it looks as though your emotional state is being dictated by your circumstances, that is never true. Your thoughts are the root of your emotions. Just get curious and ask yourself, “If I weren’t thinking this way, how might I feel differently?”

2. Everything good is inside.

We each walk around with two versions of ourselves. One is our unconditioned self, which is innocent, flawless, and untouched by any trauma, criticism, or injustice we may have faced in life. The other is a learned self, more commonly known as the ego.

The primary role of the ego is to separate you from the truth of who you really are—a human being who is already complete, whole, and mentally and spiritually healthy. The ego believes that happiness is attained through material success, achievement, striving, earning, and deserving. I’ve often heard it described as “everything good outside.”

But your unconditioned self is the much bigger, wiser you. It already knows that you are what you seek; that real happiness is what naturally happens when you dare to show up unedited.

All the happiness you have been looking for outside of you can finally be yours when you stop chasing and start choosing.

3. Our relationship with ourselves determines our relationship with everything else.

One of the standout moments on my journey of self-discovery was hearing Dr. Robert Holden say, “No amount of self-improvement can make up for any lack of self-acceptance.”

Think about it…

SurveyStud: In the App Store

Single Women Thoughts…

When I write I am often focused on the emotions of a single woman living and making her professional and even sexual person known. As any true feminist knows, the emotional-clothing she wears during especially pivotal moments in her life become indivisible from the emotions related to that experience. Bottomline in all of my sartorial wisdom, I am the fictional embodiment of emotionally-driven clothing.

Cause see at some point you/we have to recognize that the many people we’ve run through, just isn’t giving us the long lasting satisfaction that we are looking for. In a society where monogamy takes a backseat to every fleeting desire, you have to ask yourself what it is that I’m actually looking for.

As Barbie’s popularity grew, she became an idol to women everywhere. As time passed with botched surgeries and the stats of bulimia and anorexia rising, people began to see that looking like Barbie was unhealthy. I would love to say that we are over trying to be carbon copies of each other or a single woman, but that would be a lie. Women are still spending money to become their favorite idols when they look in the mirror. Men have become attracted to what society tells them they should be attracted to, and in attempt to live out their youth, they are trying to capture as many of these women as possible.

Many men can argue that women are the same way. Women seek men to look a certain way, have a certain size and girth below, be financially independent and willing to splurge on their woman.

What we all fail to realize is that it is important to be yourself. Quality over Quantity. People are afraid to be themselves because we see what other people like. Even the attempt to be original isn’t original anymore. We’ve allowed society to cut funding in areas that allow our creativity to take part in who we are as individuals. We’ve allowed our music to take on similar tones in order to sell. We’ve allowed ourselves to study fields we have little interest in, in the hope that money will settle the feeling of inadequacy within.

We have forgotten that things that are good for you, are scarce. If you are looking for the perfect partner for you, you will not find him or her in everyone you sleep with. What you want to do with your life is ultimately up to you and may not be the most current trend in popular careers or majors. When someone comes into your life, that you feel has a good heart and means the best for you, you keep that person around because you never know the next time you will receive a blessing again. We are losing too much of each other and ourselves in a world that enforces looking or feeling a certain way.

I understand at times my blog demonstrates a truth time and again, hyperbolically at times but nevertheless in a manner that is innately relatable to single women. But for a second I would like for you to step back and ask yourself a single question: Am I who I want to be?

Leave a comment below…

SurveyStud: In the App Store

Her Happiness

I love the city of Houston, and all it has to offer. But as I sit here, I’m thinking about how the world is always telling women who we are. Its like I’m stuck in some weird time warp, with the world declaring the ideal image of happiness for women.

It’s getting harder and harder for me to remind myself that in some instances, I need to put myself first and let the chips fall where they may. It’s important to note that I’ve learned you cannot pour from an empty cup.

The world, my world is changing so fast. Sometimes I feel I’ve/we’ve forgotten how to truly love. We’ve forgotten how to forgive, how to laugh, how to smile, how to enjoy what is in front of us… No in front of (say your name ( please reread that last sentence.) We’ve forgotten how to appreciate what is around us, and what we have achieved. We’ve lost touch with what makes us our best. We are becoming robotic in our movements concerning work, love, life–more so expectations.

I wrote this to say, you are a smart woman, and need to know, and believe in the possibility of something more… believing somewhere out there is a guy who wants to spend happy hour buying you drinks without asking you to Paypal him a few dollars.

Think about it, we don’t even see ourselves in the mirror anymore; some how we’ve lost the fact we have finer motor control skills, and abilities than what we show the world.

“Stay Woke” isn’t just about watching the moves Big Brother is making or being enlightened about communities. It’s about waking up to who you are specifically.

You were born to contribute to another’s live in some form. Nothing influences the next light than seeing you build yourself and helping others to do the same. But first, you/we/me/I have to focus our own light. We have to find our personal rhythm which allows us to say it’s ok to curl up on the couch eating Chipotle, instead of worrying about things that have not happened yet. Its Ok.

Try to connect with who you are, and what you like to do. Trust me, it’s not easy. I’m still learning this for myself. It is a process. But being this young and feeling burned out cannot be a way of life.

Question: What ia your rhythm or the thing that makes you happy?

Leave a comment below…

SurveyStud: In the App Store

My Mom & Real Estate

Real Estate investments begins with one property at a time. Often, when you hear people talk about real estate investing they are talking big numbers. You hear about the millions to be made in the market, especially now when everyone is buying. You hear stories about the people who own 50 or more single family homes or bought a package of 10 investment properties. You hear about the people who syndicate large apartment deals or buy a smaller apartment complex of their own. What gets lost in the hype is that the vast majority of these investors began with just one property.

My Mom story, like many successful real estate investors, begins with one small property in Texas. It took her a while to buy or invest in property. My understanding she made lots of offers before one was accepted, and walked away from a few deals for a variety of reasons, most of which had more to do with fear than with the numbers. Finally, one of her mentors looked her in the eye and said, “buy this property or I will buy it myself.” So Mom bought the property that no one else would buy.

My Mom once said, “Every successful investor has a story.” Well truth is most Investors are just like you, and me: scared of making a wrong choice, but are determined to change their finanical situation. Another thing my Mom would say, “find a mentor you can trust;” following their advice, makes that first purchase easier and more successful.”

Her first rental investment property down in Houston was a diamond in the rough. Once cut and polished, she captured $36,000 in equity and a cash flow after all costs of $429.00 month – this from a house that no one wanted to buy! I remember her mentor telling her, “Someone lives in every house on this street and someone will live here too. The question is, will you be the one who profits from it?”

The next house came shortly after with an equity capture of $21,000 and $324.00 month cash flow after all expenses. The third house represents an equity capture of $27,000 and $290 month in cash flow. All of these properties have an ROI of 43% per year or more.

A picture is forming, right? For most of us, it is not one big deal that takes us from a J-O-B to retirement. It is taking the first step and following the correct road map that leads you to the retirement of your dreams. 

Question: What are you working towards?

Leave a comment below…

SurveuStud: In the App Store

Keeping Her A Secret

It’s obvious that the dynamic of relationships has changed since social media and the Internet. Whether you are in a “situationship”, relationship, or married, the display of being with someone else takes effect on social media platforms. 

Think about it. People are hooking up from online encounters. People are getting married from online connections. Think about any of your previous relationships and what role social media played in it. An important problem that continues to build and tear down relationships with (or without) a social media presence is: The difference between secrecy and privacy.

There is a difference darlings.

– Being secretive means you are hiding something.

– Being private involves acknowledging, but not oversharing.

Seems pretty simple right? Wrong.

There are both men and women who feel as though a relationship should be on full display for others to see. The constant pictures of kissing, holding hands, the status tags, etc. You all know what I’m talking about; the Over-Sharers. Great! We see how in love you all are, and just because people aren’t as gung-ho about your posts as you are, does not mean they are hating. Sometimes, it may actually just be YOU.

I commonly tend to think that this is a direct line coming from insecurities. Don’t be mistaken, this could be any of us at any given time. Like any other human, sometimes we need constant validation about different things. It also depends on the person you are with. If there are behaviors which they/he tends to justify–no “F” that. If there are behaviors causing you to doubt them/him PAY ATTENTION! Truth is you are doubting him for a reason.

Example, whenever $10+ is charged on my debit card, I get an email notification–guess what, I validate every notification. Why because it’s important to me. So when it comes to relationships, if you get a mental “notification,” maybe you should validate what’s going on.

So for those who love a private life, all I’m saying don’t fool yourself. You know if someone is keeping you a secret, and you know if someone just enjoys their privacy.

Question: Has anyone ever tried to keep you a secret?

Leave a comment below…

SurveyStud: In the App Store

The “Print” 👀

Ladies. I know you see it. I KNOW you’ve noticed. You know what time is it.

Just like men have their “Sundress Season” excitement, we have our “Sweatpants Season.”

To me, this is not only the most wonderful time of the year (wink), but it is also common knowledge. ‘Tis the season right? Please don’t act like you don’t know what I’m talking about. I know people usually call this “Sweatpants Season”, but I think it’s important to point out what color is prevalent among these here photos we see! For years, men have anticipated the summertime, where a flowing sundress accentuates every part of a woman’s body. So why can’t we notice and appreciation when a man’s body is being accentuated?

I was told by a man that it was wrong for us women to even be looking at the print of a man in gray sweatpants. His argument is that women do not like to be objectified or glared at by the choice of clothing they choose to wear. While I don’t entirely disagree with what he’s saying, I do see his point. I’ve heard women complain about men staring at their bodies, and it’s usually because they have their own insecurities that they are working on with it. I know women who love wearing sundresses because they love the attention they receive. I think men are no different. Some men hate that they are judged by the print of clothing they choose to wear for comfort. Some men love that they have a good print in their sweatpants. They know it can attract a woman in a way that verbal sexual advances can’t.

I find it interesting that some men tend to be completely insecure about what women think of them in sweatpants. These same men either bash women if they don’t have the perfect figure, or they can’t understand why women have their own body insecurities. When I asked a male about this he explained it in a way that I guess I can kind of understand. Women can work on their bodies and change its shape overtime. The print is something that can’t be changed with exercise and a good diet. Of course there are cosmetic enhancements that can be made to any body, but for the most part, men don’t believe in getting it done, and if it has been done, they are not vocal about it.

It’s easy to say you don’t objectify one sex or the other, but I think it is something we all do. Let’s not take life so seriously! Enjoy the beauty of one another’s bodies. Compliment each other! Enjoy the season, whichever it may be!

Question: Ladies, how many thirst traps have you seen in sweatpants at the gym?

I, too, have been a victim of the salacious images of men in sweatpants.

Leave a comment below…

SurveyStud: In the ApAp Store

Fake Friend

A line from my favorite TV Show: (which I will not name) Friends are like breasts. You have big ones, small ones, real ones and fakes ones.”

As we get older, our friends change while we’re changing, and sometimes it’s hard to see the people you keep company with. Ladies I feel we all experience that one jealous friend who does THEE most in trying to keep up a pretentious relationship. I had one I actually lived with who truly wanted my down fall. Through my own experience and those of others, I have noted ways to identify these fraudulent people.

– They’re secretly intimated by your presence because of their inferior complex. These can sometimes be the people who want to see you one day, and not see you again for weeks. You may catch them staring at you when you’re not facing them; trying to figure out how you came to be who you are and why they are who they are. They pick and choose what friends of theirs you interact with so they won’t feel inferior. They constantly compare themselves to you, or their life to your life. Oh, and they troll the hell out of you on social media.

– They are insatiable, never content. They want what you got. You ever have a friend and wonder why they are constantly complaining while comparing their life and your life? They can have more than you have, and they still want every bit of what you have because they think it will make them as happy as you.

– They follow and monitor your every movement and action, pretending as if their intentions are good. These are the people who constantly want to know where you are going and what you are doing. They need to know every step you take because they are obsessed with your happiness and how you obtain it.

– They copy your style and try to outdo you
They ask where you bought your latest pair of shoes from. They scavenge your closet, they eye your social media, hoping to emulate even one simple outfit. These are the people that always try to one-up you. If you have a brand specific watch, they get the same or a similar brand with a watch that costs more. It’s bizarre, but it makes them feel better.

– They secretly wish for your downfall, but adore you in public. Be wary and vigilant. These are some of the sickest people you will know who will scream to the world on top of the mountain that they love you and you’re their best friend. They are constantly wishing for your downfall in ALL things, both big and small matters. They want to see you fail because their jealousy wants you to fail. They click with people who don’t like you, and tend to egg them on when they are speaking bad of you.

– They never truly appreciate your help. Their egos can’t stand the fact that you’re the one they need to go to for help. Especially if they are doing better by societal standards (ie. financially). They may pretend to be thankful, or thank you grudgingly, but inside they can’t stop themselves from cursing you for being the one that has to help them.

There are obvious other ways to spot these fake people in your life, but I believe these are the most common. Not every “frenemy” is going to have all of these issues i described, but they will have one or two forms. These people are the ones who may truly want to be your friend, but their own jealousy won’t allow that to happen.

Question: Did I miss anything?

Leave a comment below…

SurveyStud: In the App Store

Female Friendship

Let’s face it, in the real world, female friendships can be tricky. Like romantic relationships, they often break up due to things like growing apart, having a major blowout, and jealousy. Yet why is it that we can see our friends perfectly but when it comes to ourselves, no matter how hard we look, do we ever see ourselves clearly?

I mean I have never been able to be friends with an ex-boyfriend. I meet these couples who stay friends and I think how? How do they do that? Truth being friendships don’t magically last forty years… you have to invest in them. Biggest question I have is where do they find the energy to invest, because I find woman catty at times, and view all my ex(s) as (dont judge me) Mr-fix-it, and “dial-a-dick.”

So I’m sitting here thinking about my male friends, and the type of male friends we as women should have.

So my thoughts are:

The Flirt. I know, I know. Some of you may be thinking that this treads on the friendship border into unknown territory, but it really doesn’t have to! Sometimes it’s great to have someone to flirt with. There is a mutual respect and understanding between him and you, that it doesn’t need to be taken that far if both of you don’t want it to. It’s great to hear compliments and to give them with the physical appreciation lingering between you two. Who knows, maybe this friend is the one you’ll end up with. They say it’s better to be friends first right?

The Gay Bestie. It’s 2017. If you don’t have a gay best friend, then you’re missing out! I LOVE my gay friends! They give the best dating advice, help you pick outfits, and even better, they’re blunt, just like I like them! If you find a loyal friend, they will defend you to the end. You get to avoid all the female drama that can be overwhelming and unnecessary, while vibing with someone’s energy you truly enjoy. They give the best compliments too!

The Big Brother. It’s nice knowing that you have someone who loves you and is looking out for you. As a woman, yes, we can defend ourselves and handle our business, but to know you have a “big brother” just feels more settling. They also give great advice and can give you insight on the guy you’re thinking of dealing with. You can vent to him, he can meet you for drinks, and ensure you get home safe without all the fuss of a typical “hook-up.” These Big Brother types can learn how to treat a lady from the advice you give them. This relationship is beneficial to you both!

Mr. Fix-It. I have no clue how to put a bookshelf together. Nor do I know how to handle the tools that could help me to complete the task. This is where Mr. Fix-It comes in-the guy you always call to help you put up paintings, pick up heavy objects, and just do general labor that you need help with. What makes this guy interesting, is how happy he is to help! It’s as if he enjoys that “superman” complex in helping a woman in need. I’ve seen men call their other friends together and tackle projects for a female. I find it hilarious, but also comforting that there is still chivalry, in some aspect, alive.

The Party Guy. We all know that one guy who is at every FETE! He knows about every party, he was/is a party promoter, or just knows enough of them from all the parties he’s gone to. I don’t care what kind of female you are; You. Need. This. Man. In. Your. Life. These are the ones who lift your spirit, who encourage you to get out of whatever funk you’re in, and you are guaranteed to have a good time without feeling the pressure of hooking up with him. They know how to make you laugh, and you get to relax!

Question: Can you think of another type guy we need around?

Leave a commemt below…

SurveyStud: In the App Store

Does Size Still Matter

Last night my best girl friend called me to talk about size, and the conversation took me to a place where I wondered “does size still matter?” I mean, I’ve been in a relationship so long, I’m contempt or satified thus this topic is not on my radar.

I once wrote an article wondering how important size is. I focused on points concerning “le stroke” and how to find other ways to please your partner, since size isn’t something every man is blessed with. I pointed out other aspects that may be more important depending on the person you are.

Now I’m here to talk to the men.

Time, experience, and many conversations always include the question of the size of the partner whenever sex is involved. I feel there are certain…behaviors…a man with a smaller size penis should have. And yes. This will also be in list form, because it just seems easier to communicate my feelings in that manner for you all!

Know Your Place

Stop asking her if she can handle your “big stick” during sex. You BOTH know it’s NOT big, and it doesn’t help to remind her that you’re lacking! Stop comparing yourself to other guys you both may see on TV or online (and YES, men definitely do this!) She knows your size, and she’s comfortable enough as a woman to love you like the man that you are.

Realize this!

You Can’t Talk To Her Any Kind of Way
A lot of men feel they can question or talk to their woman in any manner. When you’ve got a big d*ck, you immediately get a way with a lot more of what you say and how you behave. This may seems wrong, but think about it. Think about every woman you’ve known that’s put up with a man’s sh*t. He either has a big d*ck or his stroke game is on mighty. Know that when you want to check her, you may need to check yourself first before she calls you out.

Licky-Licky to Sticky-Sticky

Yes. It’s true. There are still men in 2017 who won’t eat the box. Some women prefer d*ck over tongue, so it’s okay for them. If you have a woman like this, you better be hitting it right, no matter the size. But alas, if you fall short, you better know some good tricks to compensate. If your tongue game is excellent, then you’re halfway to taking her to that level. When one sense is dulled, the other senses become stronger to make up for it. It’s the same here buddy.

Take Care of Home

I mean, this should go for anyone in a relationship. But it goes juuust a little harder for those of you who are “fast-pumpers.” Show her how much you care and take care of home. Make sure she’s comfortable with you, and learn to connect with her on a deeper level than sex.

It goes without saying that someone should love you for who you are. As noble as that saying is, we all have our things that we like and don’t like. When you’re dating and in relationships, you’re not only figuring out what you like, but also what the other person likes. Life is all about balance. We all come up short in one manner or another.

Question: Does size still matter after you’ve been in a relationship for a while?

Leave a comment below…

SurveyStud: In the App Store