Her Happiness 

I love the city of Houston, and all it has to offer. But as I sit here, I’m thinking about how the world is always telling women who we are. Its like I’m stuck in some weird time warp, with the world declaring the ideal image of happiness for women.

It’s getting harder and harder for me to remind myself that in some instances, I need to put myself first and let the chips fall where they may. It’s important to note that I’ve learned you cannot pour from an empty cup.

The world, my world is changing so fast. Sometimes I feel I’ve/we’ve forgotten how to truly love. We’ve forgotten how to forgive, how to laugh, how to smile, how to enjoy what is in front of us… No in front of (say your name ( please reread that last sentence.) We’ve forgotten how to appreciate what is around us, and what we have achieved. We’ve lost touch with what makes us our best. We are becoming robotic in our movements concerning work, love, life–more so expectations.

I wrote this to say, you are a smart woman, and need to know, and believe in the possibility of something more… believing somewhere out there is a guy who wants to spend happy hour buying you drinks without asking you to Paypal him a few dollars.

Think about it, we don’t even see ourselves in the mirror anymore; some how we’ve lost the fact we have finer motor control skills, and abilities than what we show the world.

“Stay Woke” isn’t just about watching the moves Big Brother is making or being enlightened about communities. It’s about waking up to who you are specifically.

You were born to contribute to another’s live in some form. Nothing influences the next light than seeing you build yourself and helping others to do the same. But first, you/we/me/I have to focus our own light. We have to find our personal rhythm which allows us to say it’s ok to curl up on the couch eating Chipotle, instead of worrying about things that have not happened yet. Its Ok.

Try to connect with who you are, and what you like to do. Trust me, it’s not easy. I’m still learning this for myself. It is a process. But being this young and feeling burned out cannot be a way of life.

Question: What ia your rhythm or the thing that makes you happy?

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My Mom & Real Estate

Real Estate investments begins with one property at a time. Often, when you hear people talk about real estate investing they are talking big numbers. You hear about the millions to be made in the market, especially now when everyone is buying. You hear stories about the people who own 50 or more single family homes or bought a package of 10 investment properties. You hear about the people who syndicate large apartment deals or buy a smaller apartment complex of their own. What gets lost in the hype is that the vast majority of these investors began with just one property.

My Mom story, like many successful real estate investors, begins with one small property in Texas. It took her a while to buy or invest in property. My understanding she made lots of offers before one was accepted, and walked away from a few deals for a variety of reasons, most of which had more to do with fear than with the numbers. Finally, one of her mentors looked her in the eye and said, “buy this property or I will buy it myself.” So Mom bought the property that no one else would buy.

My Mom once said, “Every successful investor has a story.” Well truth is most Investors are just like you, and me: scared of making a wrong choice, but are determined to change their finanical situation. Another thing my Mom would say, “find a mentor you can trust;” following their advice, makes that first purchase easier and more successful.”

Her first rental investment property down in Houston was a diamond in the rough. Once cut and polished, she captured $36,000 in equity and a cash flow after all costs of $429.00 month – this from a house that no one wanted to buy! I remember her mentor telling her, “Someone lives in every house on this street and someone will live here too. The question is, will you be the one who profits from it?”

The next house came shortly after with an equity capture of $21,000 and $324.00 month cash flow after all expenses. The third house represents an equity capture of $27,000 and $290 month in cash flow. All of these properties have an ROI of 43% per year or more.

A picture is forming, right? For most of us, it is not one big deal that takes us from a J-O-B to retirement. It is taking the first step and following the correct road map that leads you to the retirement of your dreams. 

Question: What are you working towards?

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Keeping Her A Secret 

It’s obvious that the dynamic of relationships has changed since social media and the Internet. Whether you are in a “situationship”, relationship, or married, the display of being with someone else takes effect on social media platforms. 

Think about it. People are hooking up from online encounters. People are getting married from online connections. Think about any of your previous relationships and what role social media played in it. An important problem that continues to build and tear down relationships with (or without) a social media presence is: The difference between secrecy and privacy.

There is a difference darlings.

– Being secretive means you are hiding something.

– Being private involves acknowledging, but not oversharing.

Seems pretty simple right? Wrong.

There are both men and women who feel as though a relationship should be on full display for others to see. The constant pictures of kissing, holding hands, the status tags, etc. You all know what I’m talking about; the Over-Sharers. Great! We see how in love you all are, and just because people aren’t as gung-ho about your posts as you are, does not mean they are hating. Sometimes, it may actually just be YOU.

I commonly tend to think that this is a direct line coming from insecurities. Don’t be mistaken, this could be any of us at any given time. Like any other human, sometimes we need constant validation about different things. It also depends on the person you are with. If there are behaviors which they/he tends to justify–no “F” that. If there are behaviors causing you to doubt them/him PAY ATTENTION! Truth is you are doubting him for a reason.

Example, whenever $10+ is charged on my debit card, I get an email notification–guess what, I validate every notification. Why because it’s important to me. So when it comes to relationships, if you get a mental “notification,” maybe you should validate what’s going on.

So for those who love a private life, all I’m saying don’t fool yourself. You know if someone is keeping you a secret, and you know if someone just enjoys their privacy.

Question: Has anyone ever tried to keep you a secret?

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The “Print” 👀

Ladies. I know you see it. I KNOW you’ve noticed. You know what time is it.

Just like men have their “Sundress Season” excitement, we have our “Sweatpants Season.”

To me, this is not only the most wonderful time of the year (wink), but it is also common knowledge. ‘Tis the season right? Please don’t act like you don’t know what I’m talking about. I know people usually call this “Sweatpants Season”, but I think it’s important to point out what color is prevalent among these here photos we see! For years, men have anticipated the summertime, where a flowing sundress accentuates every part of a woman’s body. So why can’t we notice and appreciation when a man’s body is being accentuated?

I was told by a man that it was wrong for us women to even be looking at the print of a man in gray sweatpants. His argument is that women do not like to be objectified or glared at by the choice of clothing they choose to wear. While I don’t entirely disagree with what he’s saying, I do see his point. I’ve heard women complain about men staring at their bodies, and it’s usually because they have their own insecurities that they are working on with it. I know women who love wearing sundresses because they love the attention they receive. I think men are no different. Some men hate that they are judged by the print of clothing they choose to wear for comfort. Some men love that they have a good print in their sweatpants. They know it can attract a woman in a way that verbal sexual advances can’t.

I find it interesting that some men tend to be completely insecure about what women think of them in sweatpants. These same men either bash women if they don’t have the perfect figure, or they can’t understand why women have their own body insecurities. When I asked a male about this he explained it in a way that I guess I can kind of understand. Women can work on their bodies and change its shape overtime. The print is something that can’t be changed with exercise and a good diet. Of course there are cosmetic enhancements that can be made to any body, but for the most part, men don’t believe in getting it done, and if it has been done, they are not vocal about it.

It’s easy to say you don’t objectify one sex or the other, but I think it is something we all do. Let’s not take life so seriously! Enjoy the beauty of one another’s bodies. Compliment each other! Enjoy the season, whichever it may be!

Question: Ladies, how many thirst traps have you seen in sweatpants at the gym?

I, too, have been a victim of the salacious images of men in sweatpants.

Leave a comment below…

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Fake Friend

A line from my favorite TV Show: (which I will not name) Friends are like breasts. You have big ones, small ones, real ones and fakes ones.”

As we get older, our friends change while we’re changing, and sometimes it’s hard to see the people you keep company with. Ladies I feel we all experience that one jealous friend who does THEE most in trying to keep up a pretentious relationship. I had one I actually lived with who truly wanted my down fall. Through my own experience and those of others, I have noted ways to identify these fraudulent people.

– They’re secretly intimated by your presence because of their inferior complex. These can sometimes be the people who want to see you one day, and not see you again for weeks. You may catch them staring at you when you’re not facing them; trying to figure out how you came to be who you are and why they are who they are. They pick and choose what friends of theirs you interact with so they won’t feel inferior. They constantly compare themselves to you, or their life to your life. Oh, and they troll the hell out of you on social media.

– They are insatiable, never content. They want what you got. You ever have a friend and wonder why they are constantly complaining while comparing their life and your life? They can have more than you have, and they still want every bit of what you have because they think it will make them as happy as you.

– They follow and monitor your every movement and action, pretending as if their intentions are good. These are the people who constantly want to know where you are going and what you are doing. They need to know every step you take because they are obsessed with your happiness and how you obtain it.

– They copy your style and try to outdo you
They ask where you bought your latest pair of shoes from. They scavenge your closet, they eye your social media, hoping to emulate even one simple outfit. These are the people that always try to one-up you. If you have a brand specific watch, they get the same or a similar brand with a watch that costs more. It’s bizarre, but it makes them feel better.

– They secretly wish for your downfall, but adore you in public. Be wary and vigilant. These are some of the sickest people you will know who will scream to the world on top of the mountain that they love you and you’re their best friend. They are constantly wishing for your downfall in ALL things, both big and small matters. They want to see you fail because their jealousy wants you to fail. They click with people who don’t like you, and tend to egg them on when they are speaking bad of you.

– They never truly appreciate your help. Their egos can’t stand the fact that you’re the one they need to go to for help. Especially if they are doing better by societal standards (ie. financially). They may pretend to be thankful, or thank you grudgingly, but inside they can’t stop themselves from cursing you for being the one that has to help them.

There are obvious other ways to spot these fake people in your life, but I believe these are the most common. Not every “frenemy” is going to have all of these issues i described, but they will have one or two forms. These people are the ones who may truly want to be your friend, but their own jealousy won’t allow that to happen.

Question: Did I miss anything?

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Does Size Still Matter

Last night my best girl friend called me to talk about size, and the conversation took me to a place where I wondered “does size still matter?” I mean, I’ve been in a relationship so long, I’m contempt or satified thus this topic is not on my radar.

I once wrote an article wondering how important size is. I focused on points concerning “le stroke” and how to find other ways to please your partner, since size isn’t something every man is blessed with. I pointed out other aspects that may be more important depending on the person you are.

Now I’m here to talk to the men.

Time, experience, and many conversations always include the question of the size of the partner whenever sex is involved. I feel there are certain…behaviors…a man with a smaller size penis should have. And yes. This will also be in list form, because it just seems easier to communicate my feelings in that manner for you all!

Know Your Place

Stop asking her if she can handle your “big stick” during sex. You BOTH know it’s NOT big, and it doesn’t help to remind her that you’re lacking! Stop comparing yourself to other guys you both may see on TV or online (and YES, men definitely do this!) She knows your size, and she’s comfortable enough as a woman to love you like the man that you are.

Realize this!

You Can’t Talk To Her Any Kind of Way
A lot of men feel they can question or talk to their woman in any manner. When you’ve got a big d*ck, you immediately get a way with a lot more of what you say and how you behave. This may seems wrong, but think about it. Think about every woman you’ve known that’s put up with a man’s sh*t. He either has a big d*ck or his stroke game is on mighty. Know that when you want to check her, you may need to check yourself first before she calls you out.

Licky-Licky to Sticky-Sticky

Yes. It’s true. There are still men in 2017 who won’t eat the box. Some women prefer d*ck over tongue, so it’s okay for them. If you have a woman like this, you better be hitting it right, no matter the size. But alas, if you fall short, you better know some good tricks to compensate. If your tongue game is excellent, then you’re halfway to taking her to that level. When one sense is dulled, the other senses become stronger to make up for it. It’s the same here buddy.

Take Care of Home

I mean, this should go for anyone in a relationship. But it goes juuust a little harder for those of you who are “fast-pumpers.” Show her how much you care and take care of home. Make sure she’s comfortable with you, and learn to connect with her on a deeper level than sex.

It goes without saying that someone should love you for who you are. As noble as that saying is, we all have our things that we like and don’t like. When you’re dating and in relationships, you’re not only figuring out what you like, but also what the other person likes. Life is all about balance. We all come up short in one manner or another.

Question: Does size still matter after you’ve been in a relationship for a while?

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Friends & Sexual Attraction

I have often said men and women cannot be “close” friends without crossing boundries–physical or social. I’m speaking for myself, because I know I’ve masturbated thinking about different situations concerning a couple of my friends (I would die if they knew.)

I mean, serious friendship. No flirting, no sex; just a mutual respect for one another. I’ve had this conversation with people ranging from different ages, male and female, and the answers seem to be relative depending on your sex.

What I’ve found is that most men believe that it is impossible. Men and women cannot be friends without sexual attraction (to the point of acting on the attraction.) In fact, most men believe if a woman has a male best friend, who is not gay, she either slept with him at some point or she wants to sleep with him.

Based on the reactions I’ve seen, having a male best friend or male friends is a sore spot. Men can feel insecure about themselves or their partners if she needs other testosterone around her.

Women tend to feel that it’s easy to be friends with a man without having to lay in bed with him. It’s why we have such a strong skill in gently placing men we aren’t attracted to in the dreaded “friend zone.”

Women who are selective tend to take their time in deciding who to have a situationship or a relationship with. You can’t pressure them into sex, and trying to come on too strong can be a turn-off. I prefer to have male friends at times, just to be able to give a male perspective on situations where I may need advice. Men also seem to require less upkeep when it comes to maintaining constant communication, and carry less drama. Unfortunately, if you are woman known to have male friends, the stigma of being a hoe is attached to you, without anyone even knowing what kind of relationship you carry with these men.

Look. I do not believe men and women can be friends and mutually not cross that line. Because in my mind, all it takes is the right circumstance(s) and there will be awkward regrets the next day. I promise you.

Truth is “Lovers and Friends” does not have to apply to every male/female friendship. But keep in mind what kind of woman you are dating. Sometimes the situation is flipped, and she really is sleeping with her friend(s.) It’s on you to decide what level of respect you are giving and receiving in a relationship. Trust should be the foundation.

You should be able to meet her friends, both male and female, without wondering which ones she’s slept with. This is why it is important to be open and honest with your partner in every situation. It’s worse to hear it from outside the relationship.

Question: Do you think the opp sex can be friends?

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Queef 

Some feminists like to say that acceptance of female body hair is the final taboo — the final frontier of body shaming if you will. Well, I take your armpit hair and raise you a queef.

A queef is the sound a vagina makes when it sucks in a bunch of air for no reason, and then blows it back out. This sound is loud, disruptive, and often vibrates. Unlike farts, queefs are irrepressible.

While I can hold in a fart until I want to throw up, I cannot suppress a queef. No vagina-baring woman can. In fact, like fairies, queefs almost always make an appearance when you least expect them to – after standing up too quickly, while inverted at any point during a yoga class, or (my favorite), during and after sex.

Whenever I queef a few thoughts run through my head like, “FUCK!!!” or “NO!!!” and maybe, “NOT AGAIN!!”

Vaginas are beautiful flowers and vessels of joy, so it only makes sense that they should possess some glaring flaw. I get it… but does it really have to be the curse of the queef? It freaks me out that vaginas make such a ratchet noise.

Even a gross heathen like myself feels completely mortified, horrified, disturbed, and betrayed when their vagina sounds off like a foghorn without permission. I can’t help but think that post-sex queefs are equivalent to my vagina shaming me, smugly scolding, “PPPFFTT!!! Yeah, that’s what you get you whore.”

I’m still trying to figure out whether it’s best to acknowledge a sex queef when it happens, or to ignore it. I texted a few of my friends to share their queef experiences with me (lol at boundaries), and to confess whether or not they gave a crap.

Basically what I learned is the softest sex can cause an air raid. The sound is always so aggressive and unnecessary no matter what. It’s like okay, we get it. We heard it.

Occasionally a random article will pop up in my Facebook feed titled “Weird Things That Happen During Sex” or something stupid, and queefs always rank among the list. The subsequent advice is always to laugh it off and make a joke about it because body positivity, blah blah whatever.

Question: What do you say when a queef happens during sex?

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Cheap Men

Guys, women watch how a man spends — or fails to spend — his money as a direct reflection of how generous and giving he is as a person. For example, a man who calculates his every dime and rarely treats his woman, or his friends for that matter, will be seen as a tightwad who puts his own bottom line above all else–specifically her.

Furthermore, they/we will assume that this trait applies to all aspects of the man’s character, from how open he is with his feelings to how much love he is able to give. This is not to say that women equate love with money; simply that women will be more drawn to a man who is generous both in finances and spirit.

My dating history, coupled with my passion for personal finance and girl power has molded some strong beliefs about men and money.

So, if you were ever wondering, one of my biggest pet peeves when it comes to love and money is cheap men. Seriously. There is nothing worse in my book. But my years of experience have given me the insight to detect that not every man that is tight with his wallet is cheap. He may actually be a keeper because he has a healthy relationship with money. He’s not cheap. He is financially responsible.

Here are a few ways to distinguish between financially responsible men and their no good, bootleg cheapo counterparts.

1. Price vs. Value: Cheap men speak in terms of price; financially responsible speak in terms of value. A cheap man will always find the price of something expensive no matter what the quality, the features, the level of convenience or improved quality of life it would bring. Nothing in the eyes of a cheap man is ever “really worth it.” (Sidenote: Despite it “not being worth it”, he has NO problem accepting it as a gift.)

On the other hand, a financially responsible man can objectively see why a product or service may be priced the way it is and still decide that he will pass on the purchase because it is not that important to him.

2. Hoarding vs. Handling: Cheap men hoard and hide money; they tend to be risk averse and would prefer to hide money in the lining of his mama’s fur coat than to spend it or invest it to buy something meaningful or to plan for the future. Financially responsible men, on the other hand, handle their money. They invest and envision. For example, financially responsible men may decide to save their money to purchase a home, invest in an index fund, set themselves up for retirement, or start their own businesses.

3. Treating Themselves vs. Treating Others: Cheap men are selfish. They have a scarcity mindset and only believe that there is enough for them. They don’t buy gifts for others; they don’t tip well; they lie about being broke to avoid chipping in. In other words, they are not generous when it comes to opening their wallets to show largesse to those that they claim to love. Financially responsible men, conversely, don’t mind showing their romantic companion a lavish time from time to time. They plan for splurge so they do not get sidetracked from their long-term financial goals. Similarly, they do not squeeze the last bit of service out of waitresses, department store workers, or cashiers

Question: Which type of man are you dating?

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Sex & Lies

Sex can be one of the most intimate and bonding experiences two people can have … but it can also be a time fraught with uncertainty, irritation and … LIES! C’mon, we’ve all lied occasionally about, during or after sex. “Was it good for you?” can really only be followed by, “Of course it was, honey,” unless you want to break up. If it wasn’t, bring it up later (gently) in the therapist’s office. Here’s ways we lie about sex.

1. Being on birth control. Sadly, women do lie about birth control sometimes. One woman confesses to telling her husband she is NOT on birth control even though she is. They mutually decided to have a baby, but after they hit financial and relationship problems, she decided it wouldn’t be a good idea. But when she tried to bring up going back on bc again, she says he “knows he’ll be mad and upset and think we’re breaking up or something.”

2. Not being on birth control. Probably the most dangerous sex lie a woman can tell — secretly trying to get yourself impregnated is never a good idea. Whether it’s to hold a relationship together, to twist a proposal out of a guy, or to just have a baby cause you’re ready and he’s not — STEER CLEAR of this major lie!

3. Of course I’m clean. New couples should have STD talks with each other — but usually it takes the form of, “Have you ever been tested?” and then the other person says, “Of course I have. I’m totally clean.” In reality, you don’t know unless the person shows you test results! And believe me, people lie about it. Some even go so far as to lie when they know they do have an SDT. A model is suing her rich ex after discovering she had herpes, which she believes he gave her.

4. You’re the best lover I’ve ever had. Might be true. But if not, you’ll say it anyway.

5. You’re the first lover I’ve ever had. Not everyone lies about this, but some do for some strange reason.

6. Sorry, got my period. One of those sneaky little fallback lies women rely on when they’re not in the mood. Some guys don’t care and will grab you anyway, but enough do get skeeved that it can be reliably used as an avoidance tactic.

7. Nope, not on my period. For the lady who wants some nookie but is afraid her menses-sensitive guy won’t comply if he knows she’s flowin’, she can just do a clean up and act like she doesn’t have it. By the end of the period, should be good for 15 minutes at least. If she leaks, she can be all, “Oh my goodness, I didn’t realize!”

8. I never fantasize about anyone else. Right.

9. I never masturbate. Okaaaay.

10. I love giving blowjobs. Usually said in the courtship period.

11. Your penis is huuuuge!

12. It tastes great.

13. You smell great.

14. That feels great. Yeah, even when he’s pinching your nipples like a toddler death-gripping a favorite toy.

15. Number of sex partners. Guys inflate. Girls forget (For women some encounter don’t count 😊)

Question what sexual lies have you told?

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