In my position, I hear from men and women continually. In most relationships — communication appears to be the biggest struggle. It’s a constant work in progress in my own marriage. The difficulty is in the way men and women communicate.
I realize not all men are alike — and these are generalities. I can’t emphasize that enough — so if you comment that these aren’t true for everyone — I with you! (Please re-read this statement.) The only way to know is to talk with the men with whom you are trying to communicate to see if these are true for them. My hope is that these — as general as they may be — may help some women better understand a man and improve communication.
Communication with men:
Men mean what we say. Often not what you/women heard – That is true 99% of the time. Men are usually more literal, and frankly simple-minded. Women may have multiple meanings with a statement. That’s less likely with men. So, when a man says something, try to hear only what was said — without attaching extra thoughts triggered by emotions. If in doubt, ask if his statement had a deeper meaning before making assumptions. Most likely he meant only nothing more than what was said.
Men don’t often like to give details – If a man said where he was going, who he had a discussion with or what he had for lunch, that’s usually enough for him. End of discussion. (At least in his mind.) He may not like going into detail beyond those simple facts. I understand you may need and even deserve more information. That’s especially true when a man has given reason to disapprove his trustworthiness. In learning how to communicate, however, it’s important to know details may be out of his realm of comfort to provide. When it’s not a matter of trust, the less you pump for details the more likely he will be to share facts, and even occasionally, details.
The male range of emotions are limited – Most men don’t feel as deeply or multi-faceted as a woman feel about an issue. It’s not that he don’t care. It’s just that he is wired differently. Because of this, men tend to communicate more factually and less emotionally. If you ask him how he feel “happy” or “sad” may be as descriptive as he can get for you. That may be it. I’ve heard so many wives who want to know their husbands “deeper” emotions. She may not understand that he’s shared the depth as well as he knows how to share them.
Woman may tend to cry while men may tend to get upset – I get criticized for this point sometimes, but it’s a difference in wiring. Please understand, there is never an excuse to misuse anger and abuse of any kind should not be tolerated. But anger in itself is not a sin. The Bible says “in your anger do not sin”, but it seems to assume we have moments of anger. The same things that may cause female’s emotions to produce tears, often cause a man to develop anger. A good man learns to handle his anger responsibly, but it doesn’t eliminate the response. When an issue riles a man emotionally, it helps if you understand his emotions may be normal and you may even be able to help him channel his response to that emotion.
Sometimes men have a hard time communicating what’s on their heart. often he never fully do – This is sad and he may even know it. Here’s a tip. When you make men feel they will be respected regardless of the emotions they display, the more likely you’ll see his true emotions.
Question: Do you think you effectively commincate well with men?
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