Building (Personal) Self-Esteem

This morning lets discuss building “personal self-esteem.” I spoke with Amy Goldenberg, Consumer Research Analyst, SurveyStud, Inc, and she was able to provide data points from a 2015 survey conducted with 300 women between the ages of 16 – 47.

Based on the data self-esteem is not fueled by hope—“I’ll be successful any day now”—or by false beliefs—“I’m the greatest.” It’s fueled by authentic experiences of competence and ability, and well-deserved feedback. More so the data shows if those elements are lacking in your life, take action to bring them into your daily experience by demonstrating your abilities and opening yourself up to positive feedback (from yourself as well as from others) once you do this you can expect a positive change in your life.

So a few ways to Nourishing Personal Self-Esteem:

1. Avoid generic positive affirmations.

Positive affirmations are like empty calories. You can tell yourself you’re great but if you don’t really believe it, your mind will reject the affirmation and make you feel worse as a result. Affirmations only work when they fall within the range of believability, and for people with low self-esteem, they usually don’t.

2. Identify areas of authentic strength or competency.

To begin building personal self-esteem, you have to identify what you’re good at, what you do well, or what you do that other people appreciate. It can be something small; truth is a single small step in the right direction, can provide emotional nourishment.

3. Demonstrate ability.

Once you’ve identified an area of strength, find ways to demonstrate it–show it off like its a super power. If you’re a good bowler, join a bowling league. If you’re a good writer, post an essay to a blog. If you’re a good planner, organize the family reunion. Engage in the things you do well.

4. Learn to tolerate positive feedback.

When personal self-esteem is low we become resistant to compliments. Work on accepting compliments graciously (a simple “thank you” is sufficient). Hard as it might feel to do so, especially at first, being able to receive compliments is very important for those seeking to nourish their self-esteem.

5. Self-affirm.

Once you’ve demonstrated your ability, allow yourself to feel good about it, proud, satisfied, or pleased with yourself. Self-affirmations are specifically crafted positive messages we can give ourselves based on our true strengths (e.g., I’m a fantastic cook). Realize it is not arrogant to feel proud of the things you are actually good at, whatever they are, as when your self-esteem is low, every ounce of emotional nourishment helps.

As usual if this seems plagiarized that’s because it probably is–anyway if something needs to be removed let us know.

SurveyStud: In the App Store

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